Tim Hawkins - Inappropriate Wedding Songs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxKeCmTCDV4 another good one!

Thank you my friend Maj Marty Hogan for sharing the humorous music video of Inappropriate Wedding Songs performed by Tim Hawkins
"Comedian Tim Hawkins explores a range of songs that would create memorable moments at your wedding (although, not necessarily the kind you’re looking for)."

Here are the top 20 most inappropriate wedding songs from weddingwire.com/20-inappropriate-wedding-songs.html

20. Separate Ways (Worlds Apart) - Journey
The only thing sadder than the death of a love affair which once held infinite promise is probably Journey lead singer Steve Perry's rock mullet which can be seen in the original video version here. Technically I believe it falls under the trashmulletclassification.
Sample Lyric:
"Troubled times
Caught between confusions and pain, pain, pain
Distant eyes
Promises we made were in vain, vain, vain"

19. Love Will Tear Us Apart - Joy Division
Songs have credited love with many things over the years, but never tearing anybody apart. Joy Division's seminal classic seems to bemoan the death of a relationship due to a couple's priorities changing - rather than any actual physical dismemberment.
Sample Lyric:
"When routine bites hard
And ambitions are low
And the resentment rides high
But emotions wont grow"
The single was re-released in June and became their first and only hit.

18. I Don't Love Anyone - Belle and Sebastian
If you don't love anyone (except "maybe my sister" as the song states), then what the heck are you doing getting married in the first place? And maybe don't move to Iran anytime soon. Repeated spins of this song are sure to induce serious second-thoughts in one or both members of the happy couple.
Sample Lyric:
"I don't love anyone
You're not listening
You're playing with something
You're playing with yourself"

17. A Man Needs A Maid - Neil Young
Thankfully, modern gender roles are no longer as strongly defined as they once were. That having been said, brides who hear their new husbands request this song during the reception may have a few choice words for him during the limo ride to the airport.
Sample Lyric:
"I was thinking that maybe I'd get a maid
Find a place nearby for her to stay.
Just someone to keep my house clean,
Fix my meals and go away."

16. A Quick One, While He's Away - The Who
The plot of the story is simple. A girl is sad that her boyfriend is away. Her friends suggest that she take a substitute lover, Ivor The Engine Driver. When the boyfriend returns, she confesses her infidelity and is forgiven. Repeated listens might discourage the groom from going on long business trips for the first couple years.
Sample Lyric:
"I missed you and I must admit
I kissed a few and once did sit
On Ivor the Engine Driver's lap
And later with him, had a nap"

15. I Am Trying To Break Your Heart - Wilco
"Don't sugar coat it, Wilco." Anti-romantic statements don't get clearer than the title of this ditty. Will they release a follow up entitled "I am Going to Cheat on You With your Best Friend"? While you're wondering, pick something else for the reception playlist.
Sample Lyric:
"I'd always thought that if I held you tightly
You'd always love me like you did back then
Then I fell asleep and the city kept blinking
What was I thinking when I let you back in?"

14. Suspicious Minds - Elvis Presley
This classic tune paints the picture of a relationship so severely damaged by mistrust (and probably infidelity) that the couple involved probably won't make it. Not the sort of optimistic ode you want to hear on your first day of marriage. It's perfectly acceptable in Nevada, however, to have Elvis pronnounce you man and wife.
Sample Lyric:
"If an old friend I know
Drops by to say hello
Would I still see
Suspicion in your eyes?"

13. Gold Digger - Kanye West
For all its talk of gold digging, prenuptual agreements and misspent alimony money - this song is still very popular on dance floors across the nation. Be careful and don't let it slip under the radar at your wedding. The results could be... expensive.
Sample Lyric:
"18 years, 18 years
She got one of yo kids got you for 18 years
I know somebody payin child support for one of his kids
His baby momma's car and crib is bigger than his."

12. I Hate Everything About You - Ugly Kid Joe
Forget the fact that the title alone would qualify it for our list, but the protagonist of this frankly awful song is not someone you want to walk down the aisle with. Especially, apparently, if you have a younger sister. Fostering good relationships with your bride's family is a good idea - but this is ridiculous.
Sample Lyric:
"I don't really care about you're sister,
@&!! the little bitch 'cause I already kissed her,
One thing that I did to your old lady,
Was I put her on the bed and she didn't say maybe."

11. All my Exes Live in Texas - George Strait
We're just hypothesizing here, but if you have so many exes that it drives you out of the largest state in the union, you might have a few bad dating habits. No one likes to be reminded of their significant other's prior love interests and this song might just dredge up a few bad memories if played on your wedding day.
Sample Lyric:
"All my exes live in Texas,
And Texas is a place I'd dearly love to be.
But all my exes live in Texas
And that's why I hang my hat in Tennessee."

10. Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now - The Smiths
Miserable now? Morrissey - you're always miserable. Similar to the next selection in our list, the title of this song alone makes it a poor choice for anyone's marital celebrations. Upon close examination of the lyrics the extremely depressed protagonist of this song sounds like a victim of "beer goggles". Perhaps this 1984 tune is a more appropriate soundtrack for the eventual bad decisions made by single members of the wedding party.
Sample Lyric:
"I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
But heaven knows I'm miserable now."

9. It's the End of the World as we Know it - REM
Unless considered a plea for more personal space, this song has little lyrical content that might be interpreted as unlucky on a wedding day. The title alone, however, might drive a wedge between a new couple. We would definitely advise against dedicating it to your new life partner, regardless of how much they may love Michael Stipe.
Sample Lyric:
"It's time I had some time alone.
It's time I had some time alone."

8. Another One Bites the Dust - Queen
Domestic violence is a tragedy that has marred more than a few once wonderful marriages. Inviting your brand new spouse to take a swing at you is a conversation best saved for a much later date and after you've given her a darn good reason. Wait at least a week.
Sample Lyric:
"There are plenty of ways you can hurt a man
And bring him to the ground
You can beat him, You can cheat him
You can treat him bad and leave him when he's down
But I'm ready, yes I'm ready for you"

7. 50 Ways to Leave your Lover - Paul Simon
On your wedding day you can plan on receiving all kinds of advice from friends and family. How to resolve arguments, balance joint finances and raise children may all be among the gems that you hear. How to break up with the lover you're currently having an affair with, however, is luckily much
less commonplace.
Sample Lyric:
"She said why don't we both just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning you'll begin to see the light
And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover."

6. Run for Your Life - The Beatles
Unless your beloved betrothen goes by the name of Charles Manson, playing this song at your wedding might seem just a tad inappropriate to most brides. "Helter Skelter" is a much more tasteful choice.
Sample Lyric:
"Well I'd rather see you dead, little girl
Than to be with another man
You better keep your head, little girl
Or I won't know where I am"

5. Better Man - Pearl Jam
She dated the starting quarterback on your high school team and also allegedly had relations with at least one of her brilliant college professors. But when all those other guys failed to work out - she finally settled for you, Mr. Groom. Doesn't that make you feel special? Of course not. Don't play it.
Sample Lyric:
"Memories back when she was bold and strong
And waiting for the world to come along...
Swears she knew it, now she swears he's gone."

4. Love Stinks - J. Geils Band
The first verse of this song paints a picture of a sordid love triangle. Maybe even a love hexagon. Unless you're getting married in Utah it's not going to be very romantic or inspirational to a new couple and should be avoided at all costs on the big day.
Sample Lyric:
"You love her but she loves him
And he loves somebody else
You just can't win
And so it goest ill the day you die
This thing they call love it's gonna make you cry ."

3. If you Wanna be Happy - Jimmy Soul
At many weddings we've been to over the years, Sinatra's "The Way You Look Tonight" is often played in tribute to the bride. Slip this little number on the turntable during the first dance instead and after her father gets through with ya - you'll feel like you've been worked over by a few of Frank's shadier pallies.
Sample Lyric:
"Don't let your friends tell you you have no taste
go ahead and marry anyway
Her face is ugly her eyes don't match
take it from me shes a better catch."

2. Used to Love Her (But I Had to Kill Her) - G N' R
When all other options have been exhausted, the final straw in a troubled relationship should be two people parting ways - politely or otherwise. Guns n' Roses suggested a second alternative back in 1988 which would have likely seen your next love affair taking place in the shower room of a state prison.
Sample Lyric:
"I used to love her
But i had to kill her
I had to put her six feet under
And i can still hear her complain ."

1. D-I-V-O-R-C-E - Tammy Wynette
Our choice for the #1 position needs little to no explanation. Any wedding DJ who spins this during a reception should be dragged out into the parking lot and stuffed in a T.R.U.N.K. There is no bigger auditory jinx on earth than this song, as evidenced by both the subject matter and the personal life of the unlucky chanteuse.
Sample Lyric:
"Our D.I.V.O.R.C.E becomes final today
Me and little J.O.E will be goin' away
I love you both and it will be pure H.E double L for me
Oh, I wish that we could stop this D.I.V.O.R.C.E."

Here are Ten Inappropriate Wedding Songs from alexskolnick.com/?p=2636
10. Good Riddance (Green Day)
9. Your Cheatin’ Heart (Hank Williams Sr.)
8. Go Your Own Way (Fleetwood Mac)
7. Already Gone (The Eagles)
6. You Give Love A Bad Name (Bon Jovi)
5. I Don’t Care Anymore (Phil Collins/Genesis)
4. 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover (Paul Simon)
3. Goodbye To Romance (Ozzy Osbourne)
2. The Thrill Is Gone (BB King)
1. Babe, I’m Gonna Leave You (Led Zeppelin)

FYI COL Mikel J. Burroughs LTC Orlando Illi Maj Bill Smith, Ph.D. Maj William W. "Bill" Price CPT Jack Durish Capt Tom Brown CMSgt (Join to see) MSG Andrew White SFC William Farrell SGT (Join to see) Sgt Albert Castro SSG David Andrews Sgt Randy Wilber Sgt John H. SGT Charles H. Hawes SGT Mark Halmrast PO1 William "Chip" Nagel CPT Gabe SnellLTC Greg Henning

Truly hilarious.