Posted on Aug 12, 2016
An Oversized Gluteus Maximus Will Now Prevent Military Service
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Amid rising concern about obesity and various medical conditions preventing military service, the Pentagon has just published a new policy against those with oversized gluteus maximus muscles. This will be the first time in over 20 years that the military is rewriting body composition standards to this advanced degree. Simply put, new methods will be administered in order to determine whether or not troops are carrying too much weight behind and underneath them to serve effectively in the U.S. military. Among civilians, this is further shrinking the pool of qualified prospective recruits. And among the active-duty force, a rising number of big-bottomed troops poses risks to readiness and health care costs.
“You can look around and see all the soldiers that are bulging out of their ABU pants,” said Dr. Leonard Jefferson, a professor of fitness and human ecology at Yale University who has studied military nutrition and body composition. “They must do something about it.”
Seaman Matthew Jolistein of the United States Coast Guard praised the new policy saying, “Spinal conditions should be taken very seriously by our military. Extremely physical demands are asked of all of us, and back issues caused by guys with huge asses shouldn’t be detrimental to the readiness of the force. People need to have normal bodies to protect our country.”
The pending changes may be far reaching, possibly trickling into law enforcement as well. This will be the first time this pressing matter will be addressed primarily by certified military health professionals — many of them trained physicians and scientists.
“We are taking a slightly different perspective on this, focusing on the health of our military members and what may impact that. What determinants can we identify quickly and easily that would relate to predispositions for injury or illness?” one defense official said.
This official, who requested anonymity because the internal proceedings are still confidential and some final decisions are yet to be made, also hinted at a few other new tests which could further limit military service. Among those mentioned, a common sense test, an ingrown hair test, and a flammability test seem to be the frontrunners for new military-service qualifications.
*This piece is purely satire. Don’t believe a thing.
“You can look around and see all the soldiers that are bulging out of their ABU pants,” said Dr. Leonard Jefferson, a professor of fitness and human ecology at Yale University who has studied military nutrition and body composition. “They must do something about it.”
Seaman Matthew Jolistein of the United States Coast Guard praised the new policy saying, “Spinal conditions should be taken very seriously by our military. Extremely physical demands are asked of all of us, and back issues caused by guys with huge asses shouldn’t be detrimental to the readiness of the force. People need to have normal bodies to protect our country.”
The pending changes may be far reaching, possibly trickling into law enforcement as well. This will be the first time this pressing matter will be addressed primarily by certified military health professionals — many of them trained physicians and scientists.
“We are taking a slightly different perspective on this, focusing on the health of our military members and what may impact that. What determinants can we identify quickly and easily that would relate to predispositions for injury or illness?” one defense official said.
This official, who requested anonymity because the internal proceedings are still confidential and some final decisions are yet to be made, also hinted at a few other new tests which could further limit military service. Among those mentioned, a common sense test, an ingrown hair test, and a flammability test seem to be the frontrunners for new military-service qualifications.
*This piece is purely satire. Don’t believe a thing.
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Posted 8 y ago
Responses: 43
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Kermit The Frog - Piggy Got Back
Kermit likes Pig Butts and he cannot lie! Not the real Kermit, but an incredible simulation. All names and likenesses are the property of their respectful ow...
That means Kim Kardashian snd her sisters, had they been younger, could not join the military period in basic training, we had a female recruit that the drill sergeant named 'action Jackson' who was kicked out of basic training because she messed around with other recruit the way Kim Kardashian got famous to begin with lol.https://youtu.be/isMFxOLbiro
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As a man with a long torso and short legs, I always was "overweight". My body fat measurement was usually half of the max allowed and PR scores were near 280-290 (short legs made the run extra fun). How is it that a Soldier could nearly max the PR test and be considered overweight? I always thought that we should do away with height and weight standards and focus on real readiness measurements. This may mean raising PT standards or changing the test completely. Thinks about this, we all are not able to meet the height weight standard to guard the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.
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sfc-james-j-palmer-iv-aka-jp4 Well! At least someone upfront said "...* This piece is purely satire. Don’t believe a thing...."
BTW, and in all seriousness, fitness for duty is a real issue and the number injuries suffered by recruits in training is a problem.
- https://www.armytimes.com/news/your-army/2018/10/10/americas-obesity-is-threatening-national-security-according-to-this-study/ "...It’s well known at this point that just under 30 percent of Americans ages 17 to 24 ― the prime age to join the Army ― aren’t eligible to join..."
- https://www.cdc.gov/physicalactivity/downloads/unfit-to-serve.pdf {These other issues impact fitness to serve.} "...The Department of Defense, our nation’s largest employer, spends about
$1.5 billion annually in obesity-related health care costs for current and former service members and their families, as well as costs to replace unfit personnel..."
- https://theconversation.com/half-of-employers-say-they-are-less-inclined-to-recruit-obese-candidates-its-not-ok-109821 {From a non-military employment perspective being obese / overweight is an issue in the civilian community as well. "...It’s still very common to hear even clinically trained experts, as well as ordinary folk, trot out tired old certainties about a lack of willpower, or that it is a lifestyle choice for which people should take more responsibility. Even in some modern businesses, it seems that it’s still OK to target discriminatory practices against those living with obesity...."
- https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/ct-xpm-2013-07-29-ct-met-overweight-recruits-20130729-story.html {Fitness to serve has been some the military has been dealing with before the dawn of the 21st Century and more recently in the early 21st Century.}
- https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/ [login to see] 32120 {Men can have big butts too!!! Studies have and are being done to see who and how weight loss in men can improve! "...Obese men are at an increased risk of chronic disease and are far less likely than women to attempt weight loss. There is a need to successfully recruit men to weight loss clinical trials....Current prevalence estimates indicate that 33.7% of men and 36.5% of women in the United States are obese (BMI ≥30), resulting in over $190 billion in medical costs, annually (Ogden, Carroll, Kit, & Flegal, 2014). "
So, while this started out as "Satire" it is a very serious issue on many fronts:
(1) Defense of the nation;
(2) Increased cost of medical care resulting from the issues impacted by being overweight/obese;
(3) Mental health. There are studies that link physical health to mental health. So, why not work to improve mental health by improving physical health?
Simple questions, not so simple answers!
COL Mikel J. Burroughs; LCdr (Rabbah) Rona Matlow; Maj Marty Hogan; SMSGT Gerald "Doc" Thomas; SCPO Morris Ramsey; Lt Col Charlie Brown; LTC (Join to see); Maj William W. 'Bill' Price; LTC Stephen C.; LTC Stephen F.; COL Lee Flemming; Capt Dwayne Conyers; CMSgt (Join to see); SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth; LTC Jason Mackay; MSgt Robert "Rock" Aldi; MSgt Paul Connors (Publishing); SFC James J Palmer IV (JP4)
BTW, and in all seriousness, fitness for duty is a real issue and the number injuries suffered by recruits in training is a problem.
- https://www.armytimes.com/news/your-army/2018/10/10/americas-obesity-is-threatening-national-security-according-to-this-study/ "...It’s well known at this point that just under 30 percent of Americans ages 17 to 24 ― the prime age to join the Army ― aren’t eligible to join..."
- https://www.cdc.gov/physicalactivity/downloads/unfit-to-serve.pdf {These other issues impact fitness to serve.} "...The Department of Defense, our nation’s largest employer, spends about
$1.5 billion annually in obesity-related health care costs for current and former service members and their families, as well as costs to replace unfit personnel..."
- https://theconversation.com/half-of-employers-say-they-are-less-inclined-to-recruit-obese-candidates-its-not-ok-109821 {From a non-military employment perspective being obese / overweight is an issue in the civilian community as well. "...It’s still very common to hear even clinically trained experts, as well as ordinary folk, trot out tired old certainties about a lack of willpower, or that it is a lifestyle choice for which people should take more responsibility. Even in some modern businesses, it seems that it’s still OK to target discriminatory practices against those living with obesity...."
- https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/ct-xpm-2013-07-29-ct-met-overweight-recruits-20130729-story.html {Fitness to serve has been some the military has been dealing with before the dawn of the 21st Century and more recently in the early 21st Century.}
- https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/ [login to see] 32120 {Men can have big butts too!!! Studies have and are being done to see who and how weight loss in men can improve! "...Obese men are at an increased risk of chronic disease and are far less likely than women to attempt weight loss. There is a need to successfully recruit men to weight loss clinical trials....Current prevalence estimates indicate that 33.7% of men and 36.5% of women in the United States are obese (BMI ≥30), resulting in over $190 billion in medical costs, annually (Ogden, Carroll, Kit, & Flegal, 2014). "
So, while this started out as "Satire" it is a very serious issue on many fronts:
(1) Defense of the nation;
(2) Increased cost of medical care resulting from the issues impacted by being overweight/obese;
(3) Mental health. There are studies that link physical health to mental health. So, why not work to improve mental health by improving physical health?
Simple questions, not so simple answers!
COL Mikel J. Burroughs; LCdr (Rabbah) Rona Matlow; Maj Marty Hogan; SMSGT Gerald "Doc" Thomas; SCPO Morris Ramsey; Lt Col Charlie Brown; LTC (Join to see); Maj William W. 'Bill' Price; LTC Stephen C.; LTC Stephen F.; COL Lee Flemming; Capt Dwayne Conyers; CMSgt (Join to see); SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth; LTC Jason Mackay; MSgt Robert "Rock" Aldi; MSgt Paul Connors (Publishing); SFC James J Palmer IV (JP4)
America’s obesity is threatening national security, according to this study
The rise in American obesity is making it harder for the Army to find healthy, qualified soldiers and keep them that way.
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Lt Col Charlie Brown
Fitness is definitely an issue, but we have to make it part of the culture and not just an annual test
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CPO Nate S.
Lt Col Charlie Brown - Yep! Physical education is about community education and the importance of the "built environment". (1)
"We all build and therefore make important contributions to the built environment. We design and build our lives from one experience to another. Based on those experiences, components of the built environment emerge from human needs, thoughts, and actions. Sometimes the substances of human actions are grand, and we design and plan quality life experiences for ourselves and others. At other times, human actions are shortsighted, creating uncomfortable situations that are less fit for healthy human activities and negatively impact the environments that surround us and with which we are in constant interaction." (2)
"By working in communities where people live, work, and play, we can increase opportunities for physical activity. We can also reduce the risk for road traffic injuries, asthma, and heart disease. Safety and infrastructure improvements to transportation systems can also improve access to everyday needs like healthy foods, health services, and recreational opportunities, helping people live healthier lives." (3)
"The Built Environment and Its Relationship to the Public’s Health: The Legal Framework - The built environment significantly affects the public’s health. This was most obvious when infectious disease was the primary public health threat during the industrial revolution; unsanitary conditions and overcrowded urban areas facilitated the spread of infection. However, even today in the age of chronic diseases there remains an important connection between population health and the built environment. Physical spaces can expose people to toxins or pollutants and influence lifestyles that contribute to diabetes, coronary vascular disease, and asthma. Public health advocates can help shape the design of cities and suburbs in ways that improve public health, but to do so effectively they need to understand the legal framework. This article reviews the connection between public health and the built environment and then describes the legal pathways for improving the design of our built environment."
Just some thoughts for people to consider!
References:
(1) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Built_environment
(2) https://www.worldcat.org/wcpa/servlet/DCARead?standardNo= [login to see] 525&standardNoType=1&excerpt=true
(3) https://www.cdc.gov/healthyplaces/why_invest.htm
(4) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1447979/
"We all build and therefore make important contributions to the built environment. We design and build our lives from one experience to another. Based on those experiences, components of the built environment emerge from human needs, thoughts, and actions. Sometimes the substances of human actions are grand, and we design and plan quality life experiences for ourselves and others. At other times, human actions are shortsighted, creating uncomfortable situations that are less fit for healthy human activities and negatively impact the environments that surround us and with which we are in constant interaction." (2)
"By working in communities where people live, work, and play, we can increase opportunities for physical activity. We can also reduce the risk for road traffic injuries, asthma, and heart disease. Safety and infrastructure improvements to transportation systems can also improve access to everyday needs like healthy foods, health services, and recreational opportunities, helping people live healthier lives." (3)
"The Built Environment and Its Relationship to the Public’s Health: The Legal Framework - The built environment significantly affects the public’s health. This was most obvious when infectious disease was the primary public health threat during the industrial revolution; unsanitary conditions and overcrowded urban areas facilitated the spread of infection. However, even today in the age of chronic diseases there remains an important connection between population health and the built environment. Physical spaces can expose people to toxins or pollutants and influence lifestyles that contribute to diabetes, coronary vascular disease, and asthma. Public health advocates can help shape the design of cities and suburbs in ways that improve public health, but to do so effectively they need to understand the legal framework. This article reviews the connection between public health and the built environment and then describes the legal pathways for improving the design of our built environment."
Just some thoughts for people to consider!
References:
(1) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Built_environment
(2) https://www.worldcat.org/wcpa/servlet/DCARead?standardNo= [login to see] 525&standardNoType=1&excerpt=true
(3) https://www.cdc.gov/healthyplaces/why_invest.htm
(4) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1447979/
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Suspended Profile
I was unfit to serve until the middle of my first year in college when my family doc read me the riot act. I went on a diet an lost a lot of weight and got into great shape, not to join the military, but for me. But as a side benefit, it enabled me to join...
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Gamaglobulen was a hepatitis shot that was painful as hell. The amount you got depended on your weight. We had one cook who got four
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Had me going there for a minute. I was looking all over for the punch line, and JP4 found the appropriate song below.......or above....
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tell that to the big boys on the squat rack... And then tell them that a 120lb woman will be better off at Ranger school too....
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I have a question, where are all of these soldiers with guts hanging out. I admit I have seen an ocassionally large soldier but not like the article made it out to be. I do think the tape method is not the best method to use. I served with a SSG who was into body building, built like a rock but had to tape everytime according to the chart.
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