New Orleans firefighter's kids hope you die laughing at his obituary

That is a sobering title Kim Bolen RN CCM ACM
The elusive Spamalope may be safer now that William Ziegler has passed on but I expect his offspring will do their collective best to fill the world with spam in his honor.
"William Ziegler escaped this mortal realm on Friday, July 29, 2016 at the age of 69. We think he did it on purpose to avoid having to make a decision in the pending presidential election.
He leaves behind four children, five grandchildren, and the potted meat industry, for which he was an unofficial spokesman until dietary restrictions forced him to eat real food.
William volunteered for service in the United States Navy at the ripe old age of 17 and immediately realized he didn't much enjoy being bossed around. He only stuck it out for one war. Before his discharge, however, the government exchanged numerous ribbons and medals for various honorable acts.
Upon his return to the City of New Orleans in 1971, thinking it best to keep an eye on him, government officials hired William as a fireman. After twenty-five years, he suddenly realized that running away from burning buildings made more sense than running toward them. He promptly retired. Looking back, William stated that there was no better group of morons and mental patients than those he had the privilege of serving with (except Bob, he never liked you, Bob).
Following his wishes, there will not be a service, but well-wishers are encouraged to write a note of farewell on a Schaefer Light beer can and drink it in his honor. He was never one for sentiment or religiosity, but he wanted you to know that if he owes you a beer, and if you can find him in Heaven, he will gladly allow you to buy him another.
He can likely be found forwarding tasteless internet jokes (check your spam folder, but don't open these at work). Expect to find an alcoholic dog named Judge passed out at his feet. Unlike previous times, this is not a ploy to avoid creditors or old girlfriends. He assures us that he is gone. He will be greatly missed."
FYI LTC Stephen C. Capt Seid Waddell CW5 Charlie Poulton CW5 (Join to see) SGM David W. Carr LOM, DMSM MP SGT SFC William Farrell SFC Joe S. Davis Jr., MSM, DSL SSG James J. Palmer IV aka "JP4" SSgt (Join to see) SSgt Robert Marx TSgt Joe C. SGT (Join to see) SGT Robert Hawks SGT Robert George SGT John " Mac " McConnell SGT Forrest Stewart SP5 Mark Kuzinski SrA Christopher Wright SPC (Join to see)

My kind of obit.

I want mine to sound something like that...great sense of humor.