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How many of you have lost your anger in front of fellow soldiers? How do you handle it when you explode right in front of them even though it is not directed at them when they had nothing to do with it? I let my anger get the best of me in front of my peers.
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 21
I refuse to loose my temper in front of anyone. I saw my mother do that often enough and all it does is make you look like a jack ass. I'll go behind a closed door and punch a pillow or something or vent to a friend who doesn't mind me cussing and fussing. I don't think I have ever lost my temper in front of my soldiers.
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SGT (Join to see) Lesson learned. It’s time to check your mental well being. We must take care of ourselves if we planning on being of use to others.
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Maj Kim Patterson
SGT (Join to see) there are things you can do outsiders official channels. Get together with a few buddies you trust on a non VA property when you can talk without documentation. Some of the best healing comes from a random connection
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SFC (Join to see)
Maybe there's a way to get training on that without exposing yourself to harassment - try doing some research independent of military docs, as that would obviously be risky. Good luck, and remember, you're both your most powerful self-advocate and self-critic.
Warriors Forever!
-Ed
Warriors Forever!
-Ed
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SGT (Join to see)
SFC (Join to see) - I have notice that. I'm the biggest critic of myself. I hate failing and when I do, it hits me harder than I would like. Over the many years, I have definitely learned a lot about myself through my successes and failures.
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SSgt Richard Kensinger
SGT (Join to see) - From a clinical perspective your concerns are warranted even tho BHC care is confidential and no info is released w/o your expressed written permission, and only the minimal amount necessary to a 3rd party.
Rich
Rich
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1) You are human. Means you make mistakes and can learn from them. The fact you are asking a question means you can and will learn from this...
2) I was very similar. I would blow my top as a young Junior Officer, until a wise senior enlisted took me aside and explained how my attitude affects the sailors. Since I cared about my sailors, I realized I had to do something so they weren't scared to come into work.
3) I learned 2 coping mechanisms. Before heading into a stressful situation, or something that would trigger your anger, do a couple of deep breaths. When you are breathing deep make sure you are filling the bottom of your lungs (let your belly expand). The second was when you feel your anger rearing its ugly little head, just take everything slow. When you slow things down and consciously think about everything, you will un-cock the trigger.
2) I was very similar. I would blow my top as a young Junior Officer, until a wise senior enlisted took me aside and explained how my attitude affects the sailors. Since I cared about my sailors, I realized I had to do something so they weren't scared to come into work.
3) I learned 2 coping mechanisms. Before heading into a stressful situation, or something that would trigger your anger, do a couple of deep breaths. When you are breathing deep make sure you are filling the bottom of your lungs (let your belly expand). The second was when you feel your anger rearing its ugly little head, just take everything slow. When you slow things down and consciously think about everything, you will un-cock the trigger.
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Too easy a fix. Step one, apologize to your Soldiers and/or peers for losing your shit. Step two, go seek Behavioral Health for assistance in Anger Management. I also will play violent video games. Oddly, that helps me better vent my anger. Pumping weights works for some.
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It does happen. We are not perfect. But, we can always do better and it takes a real man to admit he made a mistake.
I have not always done so, but I say my prayers to G-d the Father in Christ's name and I am able to stay calm almost 100% of the time.
Mark
I have not always done so, but I say my prayers to G-d the Father in Christ's name and I am able to stay calm almost 100% of the time.
Mark
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#1 get counseling, #2 find a hobby that you can immerse yourself in, #3 When the pressure starts building take a walk (or run)...
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Never lose your cool in front of your subordinates. I’d bite my tongue, walk out of the room or area, and vent alone or with other sr NVOs, never in front of them. They all knew, me yelling or swearing at them was nothing. In my office, when I got quiet, that’s when they knew the shit was going to fly. Always behind closed doors or away from all others
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Own up to it. If it’s that bad explain to your subordinates that the anger was not directed at them. And if with peers, I’m pretty sure, they’d understand. People get angry at times in the military.!hence the term, “suck it up buttercup!”
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I quit smoking, except on drill weekends, AT or deployment. If you see me smoking, it's a good bet that I'm angry.
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CSM Charles Hayden
SGT (Join to see) I no longer chew. I no longer smoke cigars. Whenever I pay cash for ARCO gasoline, I resist purchasing a can of Copenhagen. Except, every year or so!
A box of various chewing tobaccos from Oklahoma sent to a deployed friend in Lebanon did not cause him to say thanks like a tube of ‘Cope’ did. But he did call me on a sat phone from an undisclosed location for my 85th birthday.
SGT Philip Roncari SFC William Farrell LTC Stephen ConwaySGT Carl Blas LTC Stephen F. LTC Stephen C. PO1 William "Chip" Nagel SFC Joe S. Davis Jr., MSM, DSLSP5 Jim Curry
A box of various chewing tobaccos from Oklahoma sent to a deployed friend in Lebanon did not cause him to say thanks like a tube of ‘Cope’ did. But he did call me on a sat phone from an undisclosed location for my 85th birthday.
SGT Philip Roncari SFC William Farrell LTC Stephen ConwaySGT Carl Blas LTC Stephen F. LTC Stephen C. PO1 William "Chip" Nagel SFC Joe S. Davis Jr., MSM, DSLSP5 Jim Curry
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LTC Stephen C.
I guess I’m one of the the lucky ones, CSM Charles Hayden. I’ve never smoked, chewed, dipped or partaken of tobacco products in any way. I’ve never even had a cigarette in my mouth!
SP5 Jim Curry
SP5 Jim Curry
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Less and less with age, but I'm guilty. Toxic leadership is not good. It causes a loss of confidence and cooperation. Bearing is very important, and harsh words are reserved for worst cases. Praise in public, counsel in private. Remove any barriers or distractions in personal life, and remember that someone is always watching you. Set the example you would follow. Anger management can be tricky. Consider consulting with a role model or mentor.
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Apologize. And I don't mean just say "Sorry for losing my cool". Genuinely apologize. When done in a genuine manner the underlying trigger loses force. It won't happen with just one apology so be patient. An adage in my life is to be slow to anger and quick to apologize.
Realize that your mind does have a pause button. I use a mental image of me hitting pause on a VHS/DVD/BluRay player and seeing my "anger" stop in that between frames mode - all jittery and in transition. Take a deep breath, then hit resume with the mental mindset of business, not emotion.
As was said in the movie Hook with Robin Williams - find your Happy Thought. With that, find your silly thought, your peaceful thought, your serene thought and keep them on the main shelf in your mind where you can grab them when you hit pause. This mental exercise needs to be done just like your daily physical exercise is done.
Realize that your mind does have a pause button. I use a mental image of me hitting pause on a VHS/DVD/BluRay player and seeing my "anger" stop in that between frames mode - all jittery and in transition. Take a deep breath, then hit resume with the mental mindset of business, not emotion.
As was said in the movie Hook with Robin Williams - find your Happy Thought. With that, find your silly thought, your peaceful thought, your serene thought and keep them on the main shelf in your mind where you can grab them when you hit pause. This mental exercise needs to be done just like your daily physical exercise is done.
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I’m a lot older then you served back in 1968 my temper went from 0 to 500 in a heart beat it happen in meetings with coworkers my road rage was off the charts I tried everything nothing worked it seemed I asked god for help even told my self before I left my house I am not going to lose it today I retired in 2010 from the state of Michigan I tried the va the guy I talked to did help however I came up with my own self help method I go to church meet new people I also build model wood ships from blue prints it puts me in my own zone you need to find an outlet something that works for you just keep looking you will find it I also recommend you take to some your wife,chaplain social work at the va your not nuts you need to talk thi is you first step hats off to you brother.
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Anger for the sake of anger is a waste. Anger can be a very useful tool. I had inklings of this, and then at E-6 I became a drill sergeant and saw older, more experienced NCOs "flaming" on troops, and getting results (in some cases they scared ME), then walking around the corner, grinning ear to ear, and cracking a joke. Learn to use anger as a tool to get the results you want. In the military, at least in the Army in combat arms, there are just plain times and places where rap sessions, empathy groups, and singing Kum-Ba-Yah don't cut it. Learn to make anger one more tool in your leadership toolbox, nothing more and nothing less.
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Does it happen often? Was this a one time deal? Have you talked to behavioral health? Have you talked to your units assigned chaplain?
If it is a one time thing don't worry apologize to your guys tell them you have a lot going on its not their fault and press on with pride. Everyone has a bad day and a breaking point.
If it is an ongoing issue see one of the guys above.
If it is ongoing and you are afraid it will hurt your career to talk to to some one think of how much it will be hurt if you don't (or your family) see someone off post if you need to but deal with problems like this head on.
If it is a one time thing don't worry apologize to your guys tell them you have a lot going on its not their fault and press on with pride. Everyone has a bad day and a breaking point.
If it is an ongoing issue see one of the guys above.
If it is ongoing and you are afraid it will hurt your career to talk to to some one think of how much it will be hurt if you don't (or your family) see someone off post if you need to but deal with problems like this head on.
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We referred to the ability to control anger, and other emotions, as presence. You must decide what image you want to project, then have the self awareness and discipline to react to situations in accordance with that image. The one piece of advice I have given to my children is that the winner is always the person who keeps his head when those around him are losing theirs.
In the meantime, as you develop the ability, apologize to those who observed your lose of control, but don't go to far back in time or to much into the situation. An immediate "Sorry I lost control" is sufficient.
In the meantime, as you develop the ability, apologize to those who observed your lose of control, but don't go to far back in time or to much into the situation. An immediate "Sorry I lost control" is sufficient.
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SGT (Join to see)
Already planning on it, sir. I plan on getting the privates together when there is time and explain why it happened and that I should had controlled myself in front of them. I had good intentions in my actions, just let my anger get in the way due to my failure.
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LtCol Robert Quinter
SGT (Join to see) - Just don't demean yourself. You let your emotions get the best of you, it was moment of weakness and you know you shouldn't have allowed that.
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I can't think of one time in my career where I exploded in front of my Sailors. I can say that I have blown up behind closed doors and vented to my fellow officers, especially when I did not understand or disagree with policies. I will say that I still think about situations where I should have reacted, but I didn't. On my first day as a commissioned officer on a Navy ship, I was called a "faggot" by a department head. I didn't do anything. I wish I had stood up for myself.
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I have a published article about anger as it relates to combat trauma. We refer to displacing anger onto others who are really not the index targets. Some degree of anger is necessary for survival.
Rich
Rich
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