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We have all been there - the anger, the hate, sorrow and depression, the frustration towards others who do not understand us, but is that fair? Who are we making responsible for our condition? Have we been left to deal with this condition ourselves, as many say? I think so, but I also think that it is often too easy to use this condition as an identifier as to what we are, not who we are.
I have been rated at 70% for PTSD as a combat vet. The following is how I see the way forward for me and I hope it will help some of you. Some of you may hate me for saying some of it, and I understand where you are coming from because I have been there too.
After a few suicide attempts (which were actually attention getting acts), I quickly realized that I am only hurting my possible future and myself if I keep wallowing in self-sorrow and hurt. I stopped looking at the photos of the past and identifying myself as a combat vet instead of Steven. I stopped hanging out only with vets who “understand me” because that was blocking my forward motion. I stopped walking around with a chip on my shoulder. But most importantly of all, I stopped blaming other people, the Army, and anything else for what I am because I knew I needed to work on who I am in order to get ahead, and that became my focus.
Don’t get me wrong, I have days where I could explode and sometimes do. I have days where getting out of bed to go to work is so painful and so pointless that I could easily just roll over and say, “screw it” but I don’t. I know that, if I did, it would be just the beginning of a long downhill spiral effect that would drive me back to where I came from. It would make it next to impossible to be productive for my family and my job, but most of all it would ruin my life. So in the end I have the choice.
I am not a doctor or a psychologist, I am only speaking my opinion but my advice to anyone fighting PTSD is the following: Never feel sorry for yourself. Anger towards others is a waste of time and energy. Looking back at what was, speaking about it every day, wearing the combat vet t-shirts - the constant reminder of “how good it was” - may make you feel better, but it makes your life a constant struggle.
Yes, civilians will never understand, but can you change that? No, so move on. You feel you got screwed over in the Army for this and that, but can you change it? No, so move on. The VA is not accepting your rating, not paying you, not believing you or whatever else, can you change it? Yes you can, but not with hate, anger, screaming or yelling.
Our society believes we are a danger. Some of us like that title – heck, some of us need that title because the military was all we may have ever had as far as an identity. We were special and now we are civilians and no one understands us, they just don’t know. That’s just it though, they don’t know, so either educate them in a meaningful manner or don’t hold it against them and move on. We won’t change anything by being angry and hurting ourselves, so let’s go and get our lives back!
As I was writing this article I actually got a call from my CEO stating that my obvious PTSD is a problem and they need to let me go. It goes without saying this shocked me, but did not surprise me. I am, therefore, positive this is simply a door that needed to close and I am looking with excitement into the future.
We dictate our own realities - no one else can or will really help us, only we can. So make the conscious decision and stand up, be that soldier, warrior and fighter you are and go for the gold. Don’t take no for an answer, accept nothing less from yourself than you expect from others. We can and will be successful, we will prevail, and not because of the stigma but despite the stigma!
Make your plan for life and follow it, set targets, goals, and benchmarks. It is time to stand up and take your life back. Don’t know where to start? Start within yourself and get the anger out. You’re not alone but remember, just complaining to another vet who tells his stories back to you is not going to help you no matter what all these “help sessions” may proclaim. If you feel it helps, then take a deep look at what exactly is being helped. It is probably the short-term frustration - you get to shout and get it out but that solves nothing. It is like getting revenge - it may make you feel better for a short time, but we all know it is wrong and you usually feel remorse afterwards.
So now how do you move forward? You want to yell at me? Write it down. You want to insult me? Go for it. Just know that I am here for you no matter what. If you truly wish to learn more about how to live with PTSD and function in society, I may be able to help. Your hate will only destroy you, not me or anyone else, so please refrain from the emotional explosions that I know all too well. I am writing this as an offer of help, in whatever way it may help, that’s it.
What are the biggest struggles you’ve faced while dealing with PTSD?
I have been rated at 70% for PTSD as a combat vet. The following is how I see the way forward for me and I hope it will help some of you. Some of you may hate me for saying some of it, and I understand where you are coming from because I have been there too.
After a few suicide attempts (which were actually attention getting acts), I quickly realized that I am only hurting my possible future and myself if I keep wallowing in self-sorrow and hurt. I stopped looking at the photos of the past and identifying myself as a combat vet instead of Steven. I stopped hanging out only with vets who “understand me” because that was blocking my forward motion. I stopped walking around with a chip on my shoulder. But most importantly of all, I stopped blaming other people, the Army, and anything else for what I am because I knew I needed to work on who I am in order to get ahead, and that became my focus.
Don’t get me wrong, I have days where I could explode and sometimes do. I have days where getting out of bed to go to work is so painful and so pointless that I could easily just roll over and say, “screw it” but I don’t. I know that, if I did, it would be just the beginning of a long downhill spiral effect that would drive me back to where I came from. It would make it next to impossible to be productive for my family and my job, but most of all it would ruin my life. So in the end I have the choice.
I am not a doctor or a psychologist, I am only speaking my opinion but my advice to anyone fighting PTSD is the following: Never feel sorry for yourself. Anger towards others is a waste of time and energy. Looking back at what was, speaking about it every day, wearing the combat vet t-shirts - the constant reminder of “how good it was” - may make you feel better, but it makes your life a constant struggle.
Yes, civilians will never understand, but can you change that? No, so move on. You feel you got screwed over in the Army for this and that, but can you change it? No, so move on. The VA is not accepting your rating, not paying you, not believing you or whatever else, can you change it? Yes you can, but not with hate, anger, screaming or yelling.
Our society believes we are a danger. Some of us like that title – heck, some of us need that title because the military was all we may have ever had as far as an identity. We were special and now we are civilians and no one understands us, they just don’t know. That’s just it though, they don’t know, so either educate them in a meaningful manner or don’t hold it against them and move on. We won’t change anything by being angry and hurting ourselves, so let’s go and get our lives back!
As I was writing this article I actually got a call from my CEO stating that my obvious PTSD is a problem and they need to let me go. It goes without saying this shocked me, but did not surprise me. I am, therefore, positive this is simply a door that needed to close and I am looking with excitement into the future.
We dictate our own realities - no one else can or will really help us, only we can. So make the conscious decision and stand up, be that soldier, warrior and fighter you are and go for the gold. Don’t take no for an answer, accept nothing less from yourself than you expect from others. We can and will be successful, we will prevail, and not because of the stigma but despite the stigma!
Make your plan for life and follow it, set targets, goals, and benchmarks. It is time to stand up and take your life back. Don’t know where to start? Start within yourself and get the anger out. You’re not alone but remember, just complaining to another vet who tells his stories back to you is not going to help you no matter what all these “help sessions” may proclaim. If you feel it helps, then take a deep look at what exactly is being helped. It is probably the short-term frustration - you get to shout and get it out but that solves nothing. It is like getting revenge - it may make you feel better for a short time, but we all know it is wrong and you usually feel remorse afterwards.
So now how do you move forward? You want to yell at me? Write it down. You want to insult me? Go for it. Just know that I am here for you no matter what. If you truly wish to learn more about how to live with PTSD and function in society, I may be able to help. Your hate will only destroy you, not me or anyone else, so please refrain from the emotional explosions that I know all too well. I am writing this as an offer of help, in whatever way it may help, that’s it.
What are the biggest struggles you’ve faced while dealing with PTSD?
PTSD
Suicide
PTS
Stress
Command Post
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 76
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I have been told by a few older vets as well as my wife, who has a physc degree, that I have ptsd. Now I couldn't tell you if I do or not all I can really say is to find a support system that works for you. Now for me when I start having trouble sleeping or having nightmares, cold sweats or the like that I get from time to time my only real support system that I know of is sitting by myself loosing myself in a game or something. Never really talk about my service except to a few people that are close to me that have served. But that doesnt mean that I dont have my demons. I just wish I could really tell and see it with my own eyes if this is what I am going thru or not
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SrA (Join to see)
Now if the stigma wasn't there And the powers that be didnt want to label everyone that has ptsd as having a mental disorder
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SSG Paul Lanciault
My sons' doctor pointed out to me some things he noticed about me during our family appointments. My son has Ausbergers. I also have trouble sleeping, nightmares, sweats, have to plan everything, sit with doors and windows in view, shut down with sudden loud noises, arguments, I thought maybe I was just crazy or unreasonable. Knowing what the problem isn't making life any easier, you don't get help or get better overnight.
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SrA (Join to see)
SSG Paul Lanciault I agree completely and it isnt uncommon for me to have arguments with my spouse or get agitated at little things, loud noises and such don't sit well always have to have my back to a wall and be able to see the entrances. Now I don't know how much of that is my instincts and training or how much is something else. Who knows. But the fact of the matter remains and I truly think that this is our biggest issue in the military around this is that everyone says that there is no stigma around PTSD but that in fact is a lie I have seen so many people effected either in their career progression or even in re-enlistment by a diagnosis that most SM's, myself included are hesitant to get help because of the stigma attached
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SSG Paul Lanciault
Back in the 80s I saw much of the same. My PRP and clearance were mentioned when I asked for help, this could go in your record and come up again at promotions, was also a common come back. I can see how you feel in a catch 22. But the sooner you start treatment the better. I wish I had. I don't know what the best course of action is best in your case, but best of luck to you.
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I was diagnosed with PTSD(70%) in 2001 after working for over 30 years at the same job. I worked shift work at a chemical plant. During those 30 years I drank a lot, I smoked a lot, and I was mad and mean a lot. I had heard about PTSD but that didn't include me. I was leading a normal life after Vietnam (1966-1967 ), even though I cried a lot, had nightmares, and as I mentioned, I was mean. My kids used to call me sarge because of the way I treated them. I have a beautiful, caring wife who hung in with me despite the way I acted and treated her. The only time I was happy was when I was at work or drunk. In 2001 another company bought the plant I worked at and immediately began talking about cutting back on employees by letting senior employees go and hiring contractors. We had bought a new house and a new car and when they began pressing the issue, I had a total and complete meltdown at work. I began destroying things and knocking over wall lockers and yelling and screaming. I was so bad, and the employee manager was so afraid of me, he called my wife to come out. I was broken, mentally, physically, and emotionally. My wife worked as a flight attendant and was gone a lot. One night I overdossed, trying to kill myself. I guess God was with me because my wife's flight was cancelled and she came home early. My heart had stopped beating and I was turning blue when she walked in on me. She called 911, which was a fire station a minute from us. They brought me back and when I woke up I was in a hospital psychic ward. A friend of mine, also a vet, came to see me and told my wife after I got out he would come and get me and take me to the VA here in Houstion. I got assigned a mental health doctor, and had to attend PTSD classes for six months. I quit drinking because I wanted the meds to work and they won't if you drink a lot. After about nine months, I was given 70% disability and permanent and total unemployable. I take 13 meds. Some are for days, some are for nights to help me sleep. We still live in the house we bought before I went psycho, been married 39 years, and my kids understand and love me me. In 1994 one of my sons was killed in a car wreck. In 1996 our house burned down. Because I wasn't on treatment then, I really began drinking all the time until my breakdown. I still get sad, still have flash backs, get angry, but my medicine (which I hate to have to take), works. I know it works or I wouldn't be sitting here writing this and being able to think. All I can advise is, have a support group, don't drink, take your meds, make your VA appointments, and go back to a group therapy session at the VA. I call it a tune up and it really helps. God Bless and if you have it, get HELP !
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SGT Steven Eugene Kuhn MBA
SGT (Join to see) - Many blessings to you, what a story. I wish you all the Best and continued diligence...and THANK YOU for your service Sarge!
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SGM Mikel Dawson
Hey Sarge, You've had a tough row to hoe, but you did "man up" and thanks to a good friend, understanding family you've climbed out of your hole. You understand your demons and know how to fight time. I think this is half the battle. Living here in Denmark I've had to fight my demons myself. I've been lucky to have a couple vet sights I've unloaded on. My cousin told me to write it down, so I did and it helped. Like you, I know I could fall under the bottle so I tread lightly there. I think (for me) we have to admit to ourselves first then we can get on the road to living a good like. Thanks SGT Steven Kuhn for starting this thread. It's a great one.
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SGT (Join to see)
Thank you very much SSG. Yes it's been tough but, for someone who wants to get better I've had some stand up vets and friends help me too. When I start feeling like crap all the time I go to the VA group I belong to. Thank you so much. Keep in touch if you have time and we can kick this together. You stay strong and don't let yourself down. That's the worst person you can let down, is yourself. The only one you have to answer to is you. You're the only one who knows how you feel and how you got it. Others say they understand but they don't. They want to help but they don't know what to do. I feel sorry for the soldiers from other wars we've been in and never got any help. God Bless, stay safe. Keith
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PTSD is what we choose it to be. I do not remember a time that I didn't have the signs and symptoms of PTSD. I grew up in an alcoholic family, and was sexually abused as a boy.
I have made the treatment of persons with various mental disorders my life work. I treat a significant number of trauma survivors. When I am doing therapy with my clients, I benefit. When I am not doing therapy, and get assigned administrative tasks, life is not the same.
I typically use a cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) approach to treatment. When we change our thinking, our behavior, feelings, and life change as well. In newer CBT therapies, there is a tradition of mindfulness. Mindfulness is moment to moment awareness with mercy and compassion, or you could say that it is without judgement.
One mindfulness exercise that I use comes from a series of exercises called Bal-A-Vis-X. With sand bags and racquetballs, I walk clients through a series of movements with their hands and feet. It is one of the most effective things that I do to treat emotional dysregulation. I cannot call myself a Bal-A-Vis-X trainer, so I call it CBT mindfulness with rhythm and motion. For those of us who have been impacted by trauma, and exhibit symptoms of PTSD, our rhythm and motion has been taken from us. By doing Bal-A-Vis-X exercises, I restore my rhythm and motion.
Another thing that helps me is proper nutrition. By finding a number of nutritional supplements and naturopathic remedies that my body likes, I am able to effectively manage my mental illness. Chiropractic has also helped.
There are times where I forget that I have PTSD. This is when I am managing my mental illness well. These periods of time can go for a significant period of time. If I am able to manage my mental health symptoms with nutrition and mindful living, do I really have PTSD?
I use the DSM to diagnose clients on a regular basis. Since reading this question, I ran myself through the diagnostic criteria again, and behold... PTSD my friend is still there.
This constellation of symptoms has made me human, but it does not define me. My strengths far outweigh the limitations it has on my life. Like the thorn in the lion's paw, it magnifies my humanity, and helps me to connect with others on an authentic level.
I have made the treatment of persons with various mental disorders my life work. I treat a significant number of trauma survivors. When I am doing therapy with my clients, I benefit. When I am not doing therapy, and get assigned administrative tasks, life is not the same.
I typically use a cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) approach to treatment. When we change our thinking, our behavior, feelings, and life change as well. In newer CBT therapies, there is a tradition of mindfulness. Mindfulness is moment to moment awareness with mercy and compassion, or you could say that it is without judgement.
One mindfulness exercise that I use comes from a series of exercises called Bal-A-Vis-X. With sand bags and racquetballs, I walk clients through a series of movements with their hands and feet. It is one of the most effective things that I do to treat emotional dysregulation. I cannot call myself a Bal-A-Vis-X trainer, so I call it CBT mindfulness with rhythm and motion. For those of us who have been impacted by trauma, and exhibit symptoms of PTSD, our rhythm and motion has been taken from us. By doing Bal-A-Vis-X exercises, I restore my rhythm and motion.
Another thing that helps me is proper nutrition. By finding a number of nutritional supplements and naturopathic remedies that my body likes, I am able to effectively manage my mental illness. Chiropractic has also helped.
There are times where I forget that I have PTSD. This is when I am managing my mental illness well. These periods of time can go for a significant period of time. If I am able to manage my mental health symptoms with nutrition and mindful living, do I really have PTSD?
I use the DSM to diagnose clients on a regular basis. Since reading this question, I ran myself through the diagnostic criteria again, and behold... PTSD my friend is still there.
This constellation of symptoms has made me human, but it does not define me. My strengths far outweigh the limitations it has on my life. Like the thorn in the lion's paw, it magnifies my humanity, and helps me to connect with others on an authentic level.
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SFC Boots Attaway
1LT David Moeglein and PV2 Violet Case , I applaud you both for controlling and overcoming your demons. Growing up I was bounced from one relative to another so when I joined and met my first wife I stayed with her even though she was abusive. After 31 years I finally realized that I did not have to stay with her even though I was afraid that I would grow old and die alone and forgotten. I now have a great wife and 3 great step sons that love me because of the way I treat their mother. She also spent 30 years in a bad marriage.
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PV2 Violet Case
SFC Boot Attaway, I too was bounced around from relative to relative but in many ways it was better for me to be with my Aunt or Grandma they were very loving Christian women whom I loved, respected and miss very much. Because of them I learned about love for others. My grandmother owned the large Polk City Ia nursing home and cared for 31 patients most older then her still called her mom. When I joined the military it was because I had two Uncles that were in the military and on leave they were always in uniform and loved me too and taught me not all men were like my father. So upon joining I thought all men in uniform were going to be great like they were. But I had a large eye opener about that after going in. I'm so happy you got out of that bad marriage as I had one like that and a Chaplin seeing how badly abused I was and bloody one day told me a house that is divided can not stand. But as an apple tree may grow or drop some bad apples doesn't mean they all are bad. Sort them out and use the best ones in a great apple pie and share that pie with others. Bless you and your marriage and family may God always bless it.
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1LT David Moeglein
SFC Boots Attaway, isn't recovery a wonderful thing. I was married for 12 years, but was divorced when I was discharged. I have a wonderful wife now. We have been together for over 8 years now. It is a wonderful thing to be married to someone who wants to be married. She has been very patient with me. I am very grateful for her.
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SGT Steven Eugene Kuhn MBA
Congratulations 1LT David Moeglein - we seem to have a very similar story!
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You say that civilians will never understand but that is not right. There are more causes of PTSD than combat. Sexual assault is up there in numbers. Do you understand those victims? Don't be so dismissive of those civilians who you think don't understand you.
There are also military vets who did not see actual combat but due to the nature of their jobs have similar symptoms such as submariners. Being on alert ALL the time, constant sleep interruptions, drills, sneaking around knowing at any second you could be required to blow the world up with missiles .... yeh. I even had a flashback 25 years after getting out of the Navy. Freaked me right out.
Anyway, many people suffer from PTSD who have not seen direct combat. Your situation is understood by them. And it takes putting one foot in front of the other day after day.
There are also military vets who did not see actual combat but due to the nature of their jobs have similar symptoms such as submariners. Being on alert ALL the time, constant sleep interruptions, drills, sneaking around knowing at any second you could be required to blow the world up with missiles .... yeh. I even had a flashback 25 years after getting out of the Navy. Freaked me right out.
Anyway, many people suffer from PTSD who have not seen direct combat. Your situation is understood by them. And it takes putting one foot in front of the other day after day.
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PFC Stephens Clark
PO1 Donald Hammond i couldnt agree more i was diagnosed with PTSD yrs after my service. It was during my first wife's car accident I was diagnosed with PTSD. Seeing her in a coma for 6 months took its toll on me, and trying to raise 2 small children at the same time. To this day dealing with PTSD is hard but with the right things to get through it i.e people to talk to you and Spiritual reading I look past the diagnosis, and Carry On.
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PO1 Donald Hammond
You totally miss the point SGT Kuhn, there really is no negative opinions here, it was all focused originally on your statement that people outside the military can not understand PTSD. That is obviously a wrong statement. You had a lot of good stuff in that post, just the one item needed correction. If you can not handle that, then don't make statements on the internet.
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MSG William Wold
My wife just retired from being a ER trauma nurse, between the stress of dealing with everyone else's on a sometimes hourly basis she has had her own. Stroke and back surgery just since we've been married for 7 years. She's now retired going on a year now and looks younger than when I first me her....
I see they are starting to call it "Post traumatic Stress Syndrome" now.. because it will confuse older patients into thinking they are trying to shun off the so called severity and make it sound like it's not as bad as it could be..
I see they are starting to call it "Post traumatic Stress Syndrome" now.. because it will confuse older patients into thinking they are trying to shun off the so called severity and make it sound like it's not as bad as it could be..
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PO1 Donald Hammond
She would have what is called vicarious traumatization or Secondary traumatic stress. This is from working with people who have PTSD. Basically hearing their trauma causes trauma and stress.
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First off, let me say I am a 20+ year retired veteran (4yrs USMC 1978-1982 & 16 yrs Navy 1982-1998). With that said, I have been on three Persian Gulf cruises on board aircraft carriers. I know that is not direct combat, but at least I have spent sometime in "theatre" so I have some combat time in the Gulf. I am not too familiar with PTSD, I heard about it but as far as I know I do not suffer with it. I wish that there were more studies on PTSD and better treatments out there for those who suffer. But for every condition that exists there are ALWAYS those who try to get over on the system. PTSD is no exception. I wish all of the PTSD patients who claim that they have PTSD are legit, but I'm sure there are those malingerers or fakers. With that I wonder if there is any tests to eliminate those who claim they have PTSD but in fact are just looking for compensation? Until the VA comes up with a plan to make the system better there will always be a sense of skepticism. There will NEVER be 100% fail safe system, but it could be better and more fair for all. I have some disability through the VA, but I never try to get over on the system or claim things I do not have. I see others getting way more disability than I do who seem way more healthy than me. This is why I do not trust the VA disability system. I think it is skewed to those who know how to PLAY THE GAME. Aches & pains only when called to go to a VA appointment, then good to go all the rest of the time. "Fair & balanced"? I think not..........
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SGT Steven Eugene Kuhn MBA
PO1 William Bargar Thank you for your words.
So many different types of PTSD but I am no Dr. Not everyone runs around beating people, those where time has passed are different than recent episodes and so on. So you are upset because some seem healthier than you and you think it is because they are faking?
if I can give you some advice: there will always be such people, but as long as we take the high ground and are morally correct, we are ok. Wasting energy on something you cannot change is giving your valuable energy away for nothing. Try and be positive and be thankful for what you have, There are a few brothers and Sisters out there who have nothing and some never made it back.
I wish you inner peace my friend,
Steven
Steady on, Steven
So many different types of PTSD but I am no Dr. Not everyone runs around beating people, those where time has passed are different than recent episodes and so on. So you are upset because some seem healthier than you and you think it is because they are faking?
if I can give you some advice: there will always be such people, but as long as we take the high ground and are morally correct, we are ok. Wasting energy on something you cannot change is giving your valuable energy away for nothing. Try and be positive and be thankful for what you have, There are a few brothers and Sisters out there who have nothing and some never made it back.
I wish you inner peace my friend,
Steven
Steady on, Steven
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MSG William Wold
Wow. Well direct combat in Vietnam, the 10th day there , a supply ship is blown up at QuiNhon Pier (August 17, 1971, SS GREEN BAY), also partly destroying the pier I was standing on as security.. 3 months later Being out in the middle of the harbor in a 16 foot Boston Whaler in the middle of the night watching a firefight on the hill across the harbor, when one of the Cobra's comes down out of their control circle to see what you are; if I would have stood up in the boat the rotors would have taken my head off. guns point directly at me, your eyeball to eyeball with the pilot.. A few weeks later finding out your best buddy from High school is stationed less than two hours from where you are, only for him to be KIA less than an hour before we were to meet up.
To have all that totally buried for over 20 years, and one early fun morning on a before dark fishing trip with 3 of your small innocent children, like I used to do with my grandfather, and have it wake up as if it is all happening at once at that very moment, is something I never want to endure again. But I have bits and pieces even now with meds, counseling. How it could have been buried for that long and reappear yet still not be able to totally handle it or bury it again, is beyond me. I lost a good marriage because it couldn't be handled.
Walking into a VA hospital and see people with missing arms, legs, eyes, skin. And myself having all those parts, makes you second guess the severity of your condition.
Even when I finally submitted a claim and to be told that it can't be that bad, you have a 20+ marriage, (but divorced) you've had the same job for 25 years, so it's only a little.
Then afterwards in group counseling which had some really extreme people in it, one of them took me aside and told me how to appeal it and what to do and what to say to help get a higher rating. I told him, "I've told them how it is and how I feel, and that's what it is. I don't need to fake anything." HE said that they always award on the low side, so they are lowballing you already, you need to appeal it".
I quit going to the sessions.
The counselor inquired as to why I quit the sessions when he saw me in the hallway during a visit for something else.
I told them these guys make me creepy and also told the counselor what that other co patient said. He looked at me for the longest time without either of us saying a word, and said, ok. And walked off .. Later it was bumped 20% more just on the recommendations of the group counselor, which I didn't think happened.
Since liberal court systems abound, my ex was awarded more than 50% of my future retirements, which now I am able to draw a few dollars from, so if it wasn't for what I do get from VA, I certainly would not have a roof over my head.. WW
To have all that totally buried for over 20 years, and one early fun morning on a before dark fishing trip with 3 of your small innocent children, like I used to do with my grandfather, and have it wake up as if it is all happening at once at that very moment, is something I never want to endure again. But I have bits and pieces even now with meds, counseling. How it could have been buried for that long and reappear yet still not be able to totally handle it or bury it again, is beyond me. I lost a good marriage because it couldn't be handled.
Walking into a VA hospital and see people with missing arms, legs, eyes, skin. And myself having all those parts, makes you second guess the severity of your condition.
Even when I finally submitted a claim and to be told that it can't be that bad, you have a 20+ marriage, (but divorced) you've had the same job for 25 years, so it's only a little.
Then afterwards in group counseling which had some really extreme people in it, one of them took me aside and told me how to appeal it and what to do and what to say to help get a higher rating. I told him, "I've told them how it is and how I feel, and that's what it is. I don't need to fake anything." HE said that they always award on the low side, so they are lowballing you already, you need to appeal it".
I quit going to the sessions.
The counselor inquired as to why I quit the sessions when he saw me in the hallway during a visit for something else.
I told them these guys make me creepy and also told the counselor what that other co patient said. He looked at me for the longest time without either of us saying a word, and said, ok. And walked off .. Later it was bumped 20% more just on the recommendations of the group counselor, which I didn't think happened.
Since liberal court systems abound, my ex was awarded more than 50% of my future retirements, which now I am able to draw a few dollars from, so if it wasn't for what I do get from VA, I certainly would not have a roof over my head.. WW
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Mr. Kuhn, thanks very much for the post, as stated before you and others here brought out some outstanding points and good solid perspectives on how we can work toward living without being controlled by our condition(s) or history.
I know this part is a little off track, and I don't want to get too far into your 'kitchen', but being terminated simply for having PTSD or any other medical condition is clearly illegal in all 50 states and there are many good lawyers (yeah I know, that's an oxymoron) who can help you with that issue if you want to fight back. When one of us gets pushed around without consequence, we all suffer eventually.
I know this part is a little off track, and I don't want to get too far into your 'kitchen', but being terminated simply for having PTSD or any other medical condition is clearly illegal in all 50 states and there are many good lawyers (yeah I know, that's an oxymoron) who can help you with that issue if you want to fight back. When one of us gets pushed around without consequence, we all suffer eventually.
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SGT Steven Eugene Kuhn MBA
I really appreciate your concern, thank you very much, thats what this network is all about, however I live and work in Europe, no such laws that cover this, I see it as a new chapter. Very kind of you, thank you once again!
Steven
Steven
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Thank you all for the many answers, comments and honesty, it goes to show that we in the military community are indeed a special breed!
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My son has it bad, been two years since he got his discharge, still in the paperwork process with the VA. I have been very worried about him, his lack of ability to sleep well, panic attacks he goes through at various things that happen, suicide has certainly been one of my fears for him. Not sure what all the answers are, and how much help guys really get. I know the counseling he got when he got back from Iraq was just a bunch of officers with college degrees making some side money. Some of the stories he told me made me shudder. I guess some people don't think its real and that people are faking, and some of those are the counselors who are supposed to be helping them. At least his ear has stopped bleeding now, dont' think its happened since spring. There is some form of head damage he took in that IED hit for that to go on for 3-1/2 years after, but again, the Army medical system did nothing about it. So at this point, even with his 80% hearing loss on that side, the VA's response so far has been you have no case, your unit did not give you a class III physical when you ETS'd, and even though his medical records show this stuff for the last year and a half he was in, they have done nothing. He told me the unit asked him to waive his class III physical by the way, and that the VA would just do it. Since they told him if he did not, he would have to stay longer to ETS, who would not have waived it. I have met people in my life I felt faked stuff to get money, and they are out there. But there are also many who need help, and not getting any. As his father, not much I can really do about it. I try to encourage him to take some time off work and fight the system, but he has a screw this government, they don't want to help me, f them attitude.
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SGT Steven Eugene Kuhn MBA
yes, 15 years and they only just found out I even have PTSD, have had it for 20 years and suddenly it is a problem once they find out. But hey, Onward, upward brother!
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MSG William Wold
Oh yeah. We're young and dumb, and those of authority over us we believe are looking after our best interests, when more likely than not, it's just adding to their overloaded work schedule that they don't want to do, or they actually don't know how to go about it.
In my 1973 ETS from Active Duty, I had developed for some reason, an attitude that I just don't have. Quiet and shy kid growing up, but what I focus on, I do exceptionally well. My commander was disappointed I had decided to leave instead of re-enlisting because my E-5 was waiting on the other side of the re-enlistment. Something was bugging me and couldn't put a finger on it. Looking back, I think I just needed a break to refocus.
So I was in this "Project Transition" program thru the education center where I was going to a civilian job instead of formations and work details. They didn't call it "terminal leave" then like now. Once the 8 weeks of that program was done, you had your physical, signed out of the base and were discharged, and final pay included any unpaid and unused leave.
Anyway, I rode my motorcycle to the appointment on base. Got to the doctors office, no place to park, but there was one space near the door. Was unmarked, as far as I could tell. Went in, was in the waiting room when someone walked in and said to the receptionist, some jerk parked in my parking spot, as he went into the back. Didn't see who it was. I thought to myself at least I parked in an unmarked spot.
A few minutes later I was called into the back. Going thru the ETS physical, poked prodded, blood draw, pee, etc. hearing test. Finally saw the doctor.
A captain. He thumbed thru the paperwork without eye contact. Asked a couple questions that could be answered yes or no. He pulled out my already thick folder out and said, hum, I see you went thru the education center for a course on motorcycle safety. I don't suppose your the one parked in my parking space? I said I parked in an unmarked spot. He abruptly turned and stared at me and said, soldier, haven't you learned that the spaces nearest the door are reserved for officers and low enlisted are to park out of the way?
Whoa, that took me for a surprise. I remember saying I understand totally, since that most officers are so lazy they couldn't walk that far anyway..
It didn't go well after that. A few minutes later, HE said well I see you ETS in 3 days. I should schedule you for an extensive hearing evaluation, which at the present backlog is about two months out, or I can just write a brief statement that it doesn't effect your doing your job.. I told him whatever, I'm leaving in 3 days anyway. I ETS'D on time.
After a brief time at home I decided to join the National Guard. Years later my National Guard outfit had the medical records. I found out he wrote that my "major hearing loss was present before enlistment. The fact that recreational riding motorcycles directly relate to the hearing loss, and none of the description of MOS duties could have possibly caused this hearing loss".
And every single document was still in my folder except my initial enlistment physical's printed out hearing test.
But recently VA gave me military related hearing loss at zero percent, and tinnitus at 10%. I'm at 60% total with the 50% PTSD, which at 50% or more has some other "privileges". I have a claim in right now for hearing aids, based upon a big shift in my hearing. I had put one in 8 years ago, but they said at that time, the rating I have won't get me the hearing aids, but we will supply batteries for ones that you purchase. So we will see where this new one goes.. Maybe I'll get hearing aids and I will supply the batteries.. Or whatever, I need them and if I have to dig into my pocket, I will. I'm missing too much of the grandkids wise sayings..
In my 1973 ETS from Active Duty, I had developed for some reason, an attitude that I just don't have. Quiet and shy kid growing up, but what I focus on, I do exceptionally well. My commander was disappointed I had decided to leave instead of re-enlisting because my E-5 was waiting on the other side of the re-enlistment. Something was bugging me and couldn't put a finger on it. Looking back, I think I just needed a break to refocus.
So I was in this "Project Transition" program thru the education center where I was going to a civilian job instead of formations and work details. They didn't call it "terminal leave" then like now. Once the 8 weeks of that program was done, you had your physical, signed out of the base and were discharged, and final pay included any unpaid and unused leave.
Anyway, I rode my motorcycle to the appointment on base. Got to the doctors office, no place to park, but there was one space near the door. Was unmarked, as far as I could tell. Went in, was in the waiting room when someone walked in and said to the receptionist, some jerk parked in my parking spot, as he went into the back. Didn't see who it was. I thought to myself at least I parked in an unmarked spot.
A few minutes later I was called into the back. Going thru the ETS physical, poked prodded, blood draw, pee, etc. hearing test. Finally saw the doctor.
A captain. He thumbed thru the paperwork without eye contact. Asked a couple questions that could be answered yes or no. He pulled out my already thick folder out and said, hum, I see you went thru the education center for a course on motorcycle safety. I don't suppose your the one parked in my parking space? I said I parked in an unmarked spot. He abruptly turned and stared at me and said, soldier, haven't you learned that the spaces nearest the door are reserved for officers and low enlisted are to park out of the way?
Whoa, that took me for a surprise. I remember saying I understand totally, since that most officers are so lazy they couldn't walk that far anyway..
It didn't go well after that. A few minutes later, HE said well I see you ETS in 3 days. I should schedule you for an extensive hearing evaluation, which at the present backlog is about two months out, or I can just write a brief statement that it doesn't effect your doing your job.. I told him whatever, I'm leaving in 3 days anyway. I ETS'D on time.
After a brief time at home I decided to join the National Guard. Years later my National Guard outfit had the medical records. I found out he wrote that my "major hearing loss was present before enlistment. The fact that recreational riding motorcycles directly relate to the hearing loss, and none of the description of MOS duties could have possibly caused this hearing loss".
And every single document was still in my folder except my initial enlistment physical's printed out hearing test.
But recently VA gave me military related hearing loss at zero percent, and tinnitus at 10%. I'm at 60% total with the 50% PTSD, which at 50% or more has some other "privileges". I have a claim in right now for hearing aids, based upon a big shift in my hearing. I had put one in 8 years ago, but they said at that time, the rating I have won't get me the hearing aids, but we will supply batteries for ones that you purchase. So we will see where this new one goes.. Maybe I'll get hearing aids and I will supply the batteries.. Or whatever, I need them and if I have to dig into my pocket, I will. I'm missing too much of the grandkids wise sayings..
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SGT (Join to see)
I would suggest getting all your sons eggs in the same basket and going to the local press about how he is not being treated for his mental health problems. That may stir up a fire and get the VA off its ass to look deeper into his situation. I sure hope they will help him. God Bless, Keith
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