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We have all been there - the anger, the hate, sorrow and depression, the frustration towards others who do not understand us, but is that fair? Who are we making responsible for our condition? Have we been left to deal with this condition ourselves, as many say? I think so, but I also think that it is often too easy to use this condition as an identifier as to what we are, not who we are.
I have been rated at 70% for PTSD as a combat vet. The following is how I see the way forward for me and I hope it will help some of you. Some of you may hate me for saying some of it, and I understand where you are coming from because I have been there too.
After a few suicide attempts (which were actually attention getting acts), I quickly realized that I am only hurting my possible future and myself if I keep wallowing in self-sorrow and hurt. I stopped looking at the photos of the past and identifying myself as a combat vet instead of Steven. I stopped hanging out only with vets who “understand me” because that was blocking my forward motion. I stopped walking around with a chip on my shoulder. But most importantly of all, I stopped blaming other people, the Army, and anything else for what I am because I knew I needed to work on who I am in order to get ahead, and that became my focus.
Don’t get me wrong, I have days where I could explode and sometimes do. I have days where getting out of bed to go to work is so painful and so pointless that I could easily just roll over and say, “screw it” but I don’t. I know that, if I did, it would be just the beginning of a long downhill spiral effect that would drive me back to where I came from. It would make it next to impossible to be productive for my family and my job, but most of all it would ruin my life. So in the end I have the choice.
I am not a doctor or a psychologist, I am only speaking my opinion but my advice to anyone fighting PTSD is the following: Never feel sorry for yourself. Anger towards others is a waste of time and energy. Looking back at what was, speaking about it every day, wearing the combat vet t-shirts - the constant reminder of “how good it was” - may make you feel better, but it makes your life a constant struggle.
Yes, civilians will never understand, but can you change that? No, so move on. You feel you got screwed over in the Army for this and that, but can you change it? No, so move on. The VA is not accepting your rating, not paying you, not believing you or whatever else, can you change it? Yes you can, but not with hate, anger, screaming or yelling.
Our society believes we are a danger. Some of us like that title – heck, some of us need that title because the military was all we may have ever had as far as an identity. We were special and now we are civilians and no one understands us, they just don’t know. That’s just it though, they don’t know, so either educate them in a meaningful manner or don’t hold it against them and move on. We won’t change anything by being angry and hurting ourselves, so let’s go and get our lives back!
As I was writing this article I actually got a call from my CEO stating that my obvious PTSD is a problem and they need to let me go. It goes without saying this shocked me, but did not surprise me. I am, therefore, positive this is simply a door that needed to close and I am looking with excitement into the future.
We dictate our own realities - no one else can or will really help us, only we can. So make the conscious decision and stand up, be that soldier, warrior and fighter you are and go for the gold. Don’t take no for an answer, accept nothing less from yourself than you expect from others. We can and will be successful, we will prevail, and not because of the stigma but despite the stigma!
Make your plan for life and follow it, set targets, goals, and benchmarks. It is time to stand up and take your life back. Don’t know where to start? Start within yourself and get the anger out. You’re not alone but remember, just complaining to another vet who tells his stories back to you is not going to help you no matter what all these “help sessions” may proclaim. If you feel it helps, then take a deep look at what exactly is being helped. It is probably the short-term frustration - you get to shout and get it out but that solves nothing. It is like getting revenge - it may make you feel better for a short time, but we all know it is wrong and you usually feel remorse afterwards.
So now how do you move forward? You want to yell at me? Write it down. You want to insult me? Go for it. Just know that I am here for you no matter what. If you truly wish to learn more about how to live with PTSD and function in society, I may be able to help. Your hate will only destroy you, not me or anyone else, so please refrain from the emotional explosions that I know all too well. I am writing this as an offer of help, in whatever way it may help, that’s it.
What are the biggest struggles you’ve faced while dealing with PTSD?
I have been rated at 70% for PTSD as a combat vet. The following is how I see the way forward for me and I hope it will help some of you. Some of you may hate me for saying some of it, and I understand where you are coming from because I have been there too.
After a few suicide attempts (which were actually attention getting acts), I quickly realized that I am only hurting my possible future and myself if I keep wallowing in self-sorrow and hurt. I stopped looking at the photos of the past and identifying myself as a combat vet instead of Steven. I stopped hanging out only with vets who “understand me” because that was blocking my forward motion. I stopped walking around with a chip on my shoulder. But most importantly of all, I stopped blaming other people, the Army, and anything else for what I am because I knew I needed to work on who I am in order to get ahead, and that became my focus.
Don’t get me wrong, I have days where I could explode and sometimes do. I have days where getting out of bed to go to work is so painful and so pointless that I could easily just roll over and say, “screw it” but I don’t. I know that, if I did, it would be just the beginning of a long downhill spiral effect that would drive me back to where I came from. It would make it next to impossible to be productive for my family and my job, but most of all it would ruin my life. So in the end I have the choice.
I am not a doctor or a psychologist, I am only speaking my opinion but my advice to anyone fighting PTSD is the following: Never feel sorry for yourself. Anger towards others is a waste of time and energy. Looking back at what was, speaking about it every day, wearing the combat vet t-shirts - the constant reminder of “how good it was” - may make you feel better, but it makes your life a constant struggle.
Yes, civilians will never understand, but can you change that? No, so move on. You feel you got screwed over in the Army for this and that, but can you change it? No, so move on. The VA is not accepting your rating, not paying you, not believing you or whatever else, can you change it? Yes you can, but not with hate, anger, screaming or yelling.
Our society believes we are a danger. Some of us like that title – heck, some of us need that title because the military was all we may have ever had as far as an identity. We were special and now we are civilians and no one understands us, they just don’t know. That’s just it though, they don’t know, so either educate them in a meaningful manner or don’t hold it against them and move on. We won’t change anything by being angry and hurting ourselves, so let’s go and get our lives back!
As I was writing this article I actually got a call from my CEO stating that my obvious PTSD is a problem and they need to let me go. It goes without saying this shocked me, but did not surprise me. I am, therefore, positive this is simply a door that needed to close and I am looking with excitement into the future.
We dictate our own realities - no one else can or will really help us, only we can. So make the conscious decision and stand up, be that soldier, warrior and fighter you are and go for the gold. Don’t take no for an answer, accept nothing less from yourself than you expect from others. We can and will be successful, we will prevail, and not because of the stigma but despite the stigma!
Make your plan for life and follow it, set targets, goals, and benchmarks. It is time to stand up and take your life back. Don’t know where to start? Start within yourself and get the anger out. You’re not alone but remember, just complaining to another vet who tells his stories back to you is not going to help you no matter what all these “help sessions” may proclaim. If you feel it helps, then take a deep look at what exactly is being helped. It is probably the short-term frustration - you get to shout and get it out but that solves nothing. It is like getting revenge - it may make you feel better for a short time, but we all know it is wrong and you usually feel remorse afterwards.
So now how do you move forward? You want to yell at me? Write it down. You want to insult me? Go for it. Just know that I am here for you no matter what. If you truly wish to learn more about how to live with PTSD and function in society, I may be able to help. Your hate will only destroy you, not me or anyone else, so please refrain from the emotional explosions that I know all too well. I am writing this as an offer of help, in whatever way it may help, that’s it.
What are the biggest struggles you’ve faced while dealing with PTSD?
PTSD
Suicide
PTS
Stress
Command Post
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 76
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As a nurse, PTSD is both a condition and identifier. Working at a VA Hospital (prior) I made sure that I did not startle patients when waking them up or when they are coming out of anesthesia. I would also talk to them more - to make sure that they aren't feeling overwhelmed and/or forgotten. Some come in already depressed because their medical conditions are creating MORE medical issues - and they feel like they cannot win. Hospitals are a scary place!
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SGT(P) Khalid Wise
CPT Persinger,
Thank you for your patience and your service. I am humbled and heartened by your understanding and insight into PTSD. I was fortunate enough to get referred to another VA nurse and LCDR (RET) who provided the same attentive care that you exhibit... GOD bless you Ma'am.
Thank you for your patience and your service. I am humbled and heartened by your understanding and insight into PTSD. I was fortunate enough to get referred to another VA nurse and LCDR (RET) who provided the same attentive care that you exhibit... GOD bless you Ma'am.
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PO3 Brad Phlipot
@CPT Sarah Persinger I had an Angel like you on my flight home yes it was a while ago, I was on a C141b in a chainlink rack with a mattress like many others. Through the moaning and crying every so often a wonderful nurse checked on me, made adjustments in my IV fluids and pain meds. When we landed stateside as the aircraft was being unloaded she caressed my forehead and said hang in there good things are going to happen for you. I will never forget that, I could not imagine how she kept her composure around all the carnage, pain and workload emotionally. For you and all who serve as you do God Bless you are a special Angel that brings peace to people in very difficult times.
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SFC William Farrell
Thank you CPT Sarah Persinger, you are a kind and caring nurse. I just returned home to RI from Charlottesville, VA where I had some major spine surgery which was service connected. I found the nursing staff there to be very young for the most part but highly competent, professional and caring. I thank each and everyone of them.
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Jenn Moynihan
CPT Sarah Persinger - Beautiful angel. Thanks for taking care of our injured warriors.
Jenn - USO New England Volunteer
Jenn - USO New England Volunteer
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I was not seeking help for PTSD did not even no it exited back in the day for me. But when I took an over dose of sleeping pills and was in a comma for 3 days that is not just a little cry for help. I did move forward and by the grace of God was finally able to have two beautiful daughters and nine grandchildren. It is sad that they all deal with the toxins I was exposed to that are genetic. But my daughters and grandchildren were proud that their grandma was in the military and one of the first women trained for front lines in 78. I too am proud of that accomplishment. Even threw being sick from toxins, PCBS, and this PTSD , surgeries and all this I did what I called soldiering up to life and what it had to throw at me each day. Until 3 yrs ago my health, spiraled down short term memory and all. I tried mind exercises and all. But to talk to another military person who understands and respects is a thing that helps hold me together. My last suicide attempt was 1986 with the sleeping pills.I now also have a United States Registered Service dog who understands me very well. We all joke that he understands english when I speak to him that they are shocked he can not write it. But when he nos my gerd and acid reflux in my stomach is acting up he demands to lay on my tummy since a small dog it is like a heating pad. He knows my tears and gives me hugs which is above what he was trained. So if I may suggest a service dog or even a dog that is well trained it helps me. My veteran friends in my hometown are great too. Respect is what people need and for someone to actually take the time to listen. My physical health is bad enough the VA said they can not believe I have lived this long. Do I blame for this? in some ways yes those toxins need to be kept in better watch and containment. My biggest concern I am already 100% because I showed symptoms when in the military connected to them. But what about the other veterans who did not show symptoms right away and are struggling like I have I understand it, my heart goes out to them because they do not get the help they deserve. Im also blessed that I have so many very good friends who understand when I get upset or am to sick to be out. I am not angry at you for standing up to help the ones you can. I pray you continue to find peace along with all those who suffer. I do crafts since to sick to work anymore physically, each person must find their own coping mechanisms.
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PV2 Violet Case
I meant my in home nurse comes twice a month not twice a week. sorry And thank you every one.
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MAJ David Vermillion
Thank you sharing your situation, I do believe you have supporters on RP. Keep trying!
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PV2 Violet Case
Thank you MAJ David Vermillion, I do keep trying. Spending as many days in bed as out and having to eat blended raw foods on days I can not eat whole foods. The pain is beyond explaining. But all any of us can do is try our best. When I am down in bed and do my little crafts and see them finished at least it feels like I accomplished something to see the little items. IT is good to feel like something is accomplished when feeling down.
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I have read that Cold War vets CAN NOT have PTS/PTSD especially NON combat arms. When I was with the Joint Security Force Co, Joint Security Area, UNC, Pan Mun Jom, S. Korea in the early 80s, we had commo people who had to go INTO the N. Korean area to check on agreed upon equipment EVERY day. They went in pairs UNARMED into their buildings out of our sight. Now tell me that will not cause PTS. Try being an admin person stuck north of the Im Jin River with the only bridge between you and safety being wired to blow if the north tried anything. Being north of that damn river meant that you were SACRIFICED in order to slow down the North Korean army. Being on a guard post INSIDE the DMZ hearing them talk about your wife/husband or boyfriend/girlfriend back home and what they were doing. I burned my letters so I would not hear my name. Try sleeping 2 days out of every 8 10 meters from the ACTUAL line between the north and south with a 23mm AAG pointing at your cinder block barracks. Please tell me that what I have described will NOT cause PTS/PTSD.
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SFC Boots Attaway
SPC Scott Mayhew thank you for this input. I was a foster parent before and what you say is true. Now my wife and I are helping our son raise his 5 year old son, but because of his mother it is an uphill battle. He has severe anger issues and most of the time he acts like a 2 year old. His doctor has put in a referral for him to see a psychiatrist, now it is a waiting game but it does bring back memories of my own childhood and bouncing back and forth between family members.
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PV2 Violet Case
SPC Scott Mayhew, I do telemeds since so far from my physic dr. But also have a guy who calls my house under him once in awhile and I have the lady from a vet to vet talk line who calls me about ever couple of weeks. ONe day I was very upset and was having a migraine and one of those bad days. The guy called me and I was not making since I guess normally I lay down when like that. But he told me to call a 1-800 # so I did and was put on hold for over 20 min. Then when they got on and said they were the suicide hotline I was p_ssed and said if I was thinking of suicide I could have been dead already for how long that took. I was just told to call this. Then I called the guy back but here came an ambulance and they took me to the nearest hospital for evaluation and I was fine not wanting suicide but very grateful they cared enough to do something.But I moved and have been trying to move to get more on those hot lines. So the VA center can be helpful with some people but they just dont have enough people for the suicide hotline number.
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SGT Shaun Frenette
It was the same being up on the east and west German border in Fulda know as the Fulda Gap. With all the alerts that you never knew was real or not. All along know you are nothing but a speed for the russian army if any wanted to invade. Also have gate guard looking for bombs in cars and being told that you could have suicide bomb come running up to you at any time. I was over in Germany for seven of my ten years in and five of them was during the cold war, then I fought in the Gulf War. I know I have PTSD from both the cold war and the gulf war.
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SGT Steven Eugene Kuhn MBA
SGT Shaun Frenette - we are much the same: I served on the border in Fulda and I served in ODS, I see you were a Scout, I was a tanker! You are indeed correct, the Cold War was a different kind of stress, sort of like a constant pressure over years with no lessening of the pressure.
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I have PTSD because of Military Sexual Trauma. I was repeatedly assaulted while on active duty, sometimes by supervisors, sometimes by dates, and sometimes because I was placed in a precarious situation with a coworker. This was an issue for women who served during the Cold War, and specifically during the rebuilding period of the 1980's, because the military was actively recruiting people who were facing prison time if they stayed on the outside. It has been tough for me to adjust. I already don't trust anyone, and then I've had VA counselors tell me that I was assaulted because I made "poor dating choices." I quit going for counseling through the VA system and sought a civilian counselor, and have had better success. One thing that I started doing that has really helped me deal with panic was to develop a flow chart in my mind that I use when the attacks start. I force myself to stop and ask, "Is there anything you can do right now to resolve whatever caused you to panic?" In other words, if it is something I forgot to do, I get up and go do whatever it was immediately. The panic stops. If it was an argument with someone I care about, I deliberately go against the instinct to run by going to the person and having a conversation. You get the idea. If there is nothing that can be done, I force myself to focus on my breathing until I can feel my heart slowing down and the adrenaline calming. All this takes discipline, but I was getting so little help from the system that I had to come up with something on my own that worked for me.
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PO1 Donald Hammond
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a cognitive behavioral treatment that was originally developed to treat chronically suicidal individuals diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) and it is now recognized as the gold standard psychological treatment for this population.
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SFC Boots Attaway
PO1 Donald Hammond I agree with you on that. It is like saying it's your fault for getting struck by a out of control car in your own yard.
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SPC Tanya Cummings Boozer
SPC Scott Mayhew, where are you seeing a confusion between TBI and PTSD? I am not seeing that at all.
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My son is currently struggling with PTSD (USMC 0311) and we are waiting on an open bed in the VA program. Although I suspected he had some issues going back two years ago, I was unable to get him to open up. Even as his father, who was close and always involved in his life as well as being a veteran, it took a scary incident to lead him to ask for help. I have his six and so do our local VA providers.
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SGT Steven Eugene Kuhn MBA
Hello SSgt Michael Smith - thank you for the open and honest answer, first of all thank you and your son for your service.
It is a bit early to expect very much self honesty fro your son, I am not a Dr. but after working with 100s of Vets in my free time, the longer the time has passed, the more wiling they are to open up and be honest with themselves and others.
Right now he would probably be more open to a stranger, someone he cannot disappoint, someone who was not in the military.
He needs to be able to tell his true feelings without judgment from a loved one or fellow soldier/Marine. I know family will not judge but he does not want to let you down and this is a key point to remember; No matter what you say to him, the self hate for "failing" is a factor that needs to be dealt with from someone else, harsh but true.
If I were in your situation I would do the following:
Find someone; a university, a student or local filmmaker, PBS or whoever to shoot an interview with him for a possible documentary or to ask him to write his feelings and experiences down; Not the military actions but the feeling he had during those actions. Why? Well it is hard to hold back with strangers and while the hero is still there, he can open up knowing someone will see this one day and it is hard to hold back when you see one in front of you.
I know this becasue I went through the same thing, I actually ended up writing a Best Seller about my time in the Gulf, unfortunately it was only ever published in German. I found it very difficult to write my thoughts down knowing it was going to be published so I had to make the realization that whatever I write cannot be changed later. So I told the truth about what I was feeling, so much so that is was embarrassing, but magically the healing started immedietly, it was amazing.
I do wish you much love and understanding for your Warrior son, I know it can be very frustrating, especially becasue you are also a warrior.
All the Very Best,
Steven
It is a bit early to expect very much self honesty fro your son, I am not a Dr. but after working with 100s of Vets in my free time, the longer the time has passed, the more wiling they are to open up and be honest with themselves and others.
Right now he would probably be more open to a stranger, someone he cannot disappoint, someone who was not in the military.
He needs to be able to tell his true feelings without judgment from a loved one or fellow soldier/Marine. I know family will not judge but he does not want to let you down and this is a key point to remember; No matter what you say to him, the self hate for "failing" is a factor that needs to be dealt with from someone else, harsh but true.
If I were in your situation I would do the following:
Find someone; a university, a student or local filmmaker, PBS or whoever to shoot an interview with him for a possible documentary or to ask him to write his feelings and experiences down; Not the military actions but the feeling he had during those actions. Why? Well it is hard to hold back with strangers and while the hero is still there, he can open up knowing someone will see this one day and it is hard to hold back when you see one in front of you.
I know this becasue I went through the same thing, I actually ended up writing a Best Seller about my time in the Gulf, unfortunately it was only ever published in German. I found it very difficult to write my thoughts down knowing it was going to be published so I had to make the realization that whatever I write cannot be changed later. So I told the truth about what I was feeling, so much so that is was embarrassing, but magically the healing started immedietly, it was amazing.
I do wish you much love and understanding for your Warrior son, I know it can be very frustrating, especially becasue you are also a warrior.
All the Very Best,
Steven
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SSgt Michael Smith
Thanks for the heartfelt advice Steven. Although his journey to healing has just begun he has admitted how hard it is to talk to family. His PTSD led to substance abuse, which I have personal knowledge of. I've been sober for nearly five years now and hope it servers as an example to him. I too have struggled with PTSD from my years in the streets as a professional firefighter/EMT. Unfortunately we have not had the support available to the military. Recently it has been gaining some attention in the fire service, but is a long way from becoming a hot topic as our employers don't want the liability of providing care. I'll give him some time to settle in the program before I make any suggestions to him about his path moving forward. He will be working with some of the same people I did at our VA facility and I know them to be caring, involved, and professional.
Sincerely,
Michael
s
Sincerely,
Michael
s
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SGT (Join to see)
Good luck and God bless. Sounds like both of you are on the right track. At least you and your son can confide in each other. That's a plus for sure.
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Wow. Thank you for writing this.
First off I am not a Psychological professional. I have studied psychology in college and am married to a mental health professional, but I myself am not one. I say this in the hopes to help some folks deal with those who have PTSD. I know a couple of dozen people (Vets, Cops, Firefighters, Dr.s, Missionaries, Aid Workers) who have some form of PTSD.
First, this is something that people CAN heal from. Maybe not completely for those with severe symptoms but if you have symptoms that prevent you from normal daily interaction you can get a heck of a lot better.
I have noticed that we as Americans look at people with mental health issues as "weak" or "defective." We pay lip service to not doing so, but society as a whole treats mental issues this way. As veterans we are taught that mental toughness is a trait to be striven for, therefore when a vet starts displaying these symptoms of PTSD he is now looked at as "not being tough enough" even though lip service is paid saying the opposite. The veteran himself sees it this way.
This is where the anger comes from. The inability to "tough it out." The simple fact is we as humans have different levels of capability to absorb psychological stresses. This has been the one thing that the American military has notoriously been bad at with regards to training people. The folks who are special ops, or other elite warriors receive this training and it is better than nothing, but it is still severely lacking in the general populace of Vets.
For those who don't suffer from PTSD I want you to ask yourself, how do you feel when you tell yourself that you can do something and do it well yet every time you do, the weasel at work is there pointing out some make believe mistake you made to the boss? It makes you angry right? Well what do you think happens when you eventually believe the class bully or the work weasel and start thinking that you are not good enough to do what you thought you could do? You aren't strong enough to be the person you set your whole identity on being?
Now have this constantly be at the back of your thought process with everything. There is going to be some mental anguish.
The only time I have seen sufferers of PTSD make it better is by accepting without judgement of themselves, that they are broken.
If people were animals, and if our worth to society were to be judged on our ability to climb trees, how do you think the Salmon would fare against the chimpanzee?
This is the crux of the issue. We identify ourselves as "X" because that is what society tells us. For Vets, that means you are strong, self reliant, don't ask for help, get the job done, take it on the chin for the team.
The problem is, society has no clue who vets are. When they see that they are people just like them, but have just experienced extraordinary circumstances, they don't know what to do. And in true human form if we don't understand something we either fear it or try to take it apart to see what makes it work.
My civilian experience has been very enlightening as it relates to businesses hiring vets. Every company will tell you they love vets, they love to have vets work for them. The issue is, that when a vet starts working there, and starts applying the decision making and pragmatism that served so well in the military, it threatens the status quo of the environment.
I experienced this first hand when I was working for a company at my first job out of the military. They made a big show of hiring vets. Yet when it came time for promotion it was explained to me that my insistence that we follow our warranty program for customers and customer service issues made me seem "too inflexible" to be an effective sales manager. I looked at the Plant Manager and told him I understood what he was saying I just couldn't believe that a guy with no leadership experience who had very low customer loyalty scores was being promoted over someone who had years of leadership experience with people, managing budgets and multi million dollar warehouses, as well as existing customers who actively sought out our products when they expanded their business even though we were the more expensive option.
He just blinked, smiled, and said "glad we understand each other."
That was when I truly understood the African Proverb: "Never expect the Lion not to eat you because you didn't eat him."
In my experience the people who suffer from PTSD who end up being the happiest, end up "Doing Their Own Deal." They start a business, or get super involved with helping others, or they somehow make a radical, life altering shift from what they were doing before. The Firefighter who becomes a missionary, the Cop who goes back to law school, the Vet who opens his own catering business. Radical change.
Changing how you judge your own worth is the key.
First off I am not a Psychological professional. I have studied psychology in college and am married to a mental health professional, but I myself am not one. I say this in the hopes to help some folks deal with those who have PTSD. I know a couple of dozen people (Vets, Cops, Firefighters, Dr.s, Missionaries, Aid Workers) who have some form of PTSD.
First, this is something that people CAN heal from. Maybe not completely for those with severe symptoms but if you have symptoms that prevent you from normal daily interaction you can get a heck of a lot better.
I have noticed that we as Americans look at people with mental health issues as "weak" or "defective." We pay lip service to not doing so, but society as a whole treats mental issues this way. As veterans we are taught that mental toughness is a trait to be striven for, therefore when a vet starts displaying these symptoms of PTSD he is now looked at as "not being tough enough" even though lip service is paid saying the opposite. The veteran himself sees it this way.
This is where the anger comes from. The inability to "tough it out." The simple fact is we as humans have different levels of capability to absorb psychological stresses. This has been the one thing that the American military has notoriously been bad at with regards to training people. The folks who are special ops, or other elite warriors receive this training and it is better than nothing, but it is still severely lacking in the general populace of Vets.
For those who don't suffer from PTSD I want you to ask yourself, how do you feel when you tell yourself that you can do something and do it well yet every time you do, the weasel at work is there pointing out some make believe mistake you made to the boss? It makes you angry right? Well what do you think happens when you eventually believe the class bully or the work weasel and start thinking that you are not good enough to do what you thought you could do? You aren't strong enough to be the person you set your whole identity on being?
Now have this constantly be at the back of your thought process with everything. There is going to be some mental anguish.
The only time I have seen sufferers of PTSD make it better is by accepting without judgement of themselves, that they are broken.
If people were animals, and if our worth to society were to be judged on our ability to climb trees, how do you think the Salmon would fare against the chimpanzee?
This is the crux of the issue. We identify ourselves as "X" because that is what society tells us. For Vets, that means you are strong, self reliant, don't ask for help, get the job done, take it on the chin for the team.
The problem is, society has no clue who vets are. When they see that they are people just like them, but have just experienced extraordinary circumstances, they don't know what to do. And in true human form if we don't understand something we either fear it or try to take it apart to see what makes it work.
My civilian experience has been very enlightening as it relates to businesses hiring vets. Every company will tell you they love vets, they love to have vets work for them. The issue is, that when a vet starts working there, and starts applying the decision making and pragmatism that served so well in the military, it threatens the status quo of the environment.
I experienced this first hand when I was working for a company at my first job out of the military. They made a big show of hiring vets. Yet when it came time for promotion it was explained to me that my insistence that we follow our warranty program for customers and customer service issues made me seem "too inflexible" to be an effective sales manager. I looked at the Plant Manager and told him I understood what he was saying I just couldn't believe that a guy with no leadership experience who had very low customer loyalty scores was being promoted over someone who had years of leadership experience with people, managing budgets and multi million dollar warehouses, as well as existing customers who actively sought out our products when they expanded their business even though we were the more expensive option.
He just blinked, smiled, and said "glad we understand each other."
That was when I truly understood the African Proverb: "Never expect the Lion not to eat you because you didn't eat him."
In my experience the people who suffer from PTSD who end up being the happiest, end up "Doing Their Own Deal." They start a business, or get super involved with helping others, or they somehow make a radical, life altering shift from what they were doing before. The Firefighter who becomes a missionary, the Cop who goes back to law school, the Vet who opens his own catering business. Radical change.
Changing how you judge your own worth is the key.
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SGT Steven Eugene Kuhn MBA
Capt Andrew Cosgrove - I am flabbergasted, so very well articulated, so very well written and the examples pain a very clear picture. You touched on many a thought but expanded these thoughts through examples.
Thank you so much for this valuable input, there is always room for learning, always room for self improvement.
A heartfelt thank you!
Steven
Thank you so much for this valuable input, there is always room for learning, always room for self improvement.
A heartfelt thank you!
Steven
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PV2 Violet Case
Capt Andrew Cosgrove I have been trying to hard to find words to say what you just said . But they couldn't come as what you just wrote. Thank so very kindly. I wish I could be allowed to print that and have it when I tried to explain it to people you should write a book and if you do please contact me when it is finished and where to buy because you have a copy sold already. Wonderful job with wording it all to detail the best ever heard and explained in all aspects. To all audiences. Bravo a Salute to you sir.
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I have a 70% rating of PTSD as well. Lawn Care is my therapy. I don't have many friends but the ones that I do have are Veterans. As Veterans ot is our responsibilty to help each other and support each other.
To me, not associating with you Vet Friends is just plain wrong.
The future is what you as a person makes of it. My family keeps me?going having a Autistic son and a wife that has many disabilities, I do believe I am holding it together but barely.
I have a lot of alone time as well
My Fellow Veterans that live my SubDivision, we understand each other and are there for each other if we need to talk.
You always need that because Civilians do not understand
To me, not associating with you Vet Friends is just plain wrong.
The future is what you as a person makes of it. My family keeps me?going having a Autistic son and a wife that has many disabilities, I do believe I am holding it together but barely.
I have a lot of alone time as well
My Fellow Veterans that live my SubDivision, we understand each other and are there for each other if we need to talk.
You always need that because Civilians do not understand
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Cpl Clinton Britt
It also help with cash flow. I am by myself to thunk and contemplate life. No one bothers me and I dont bother anyone
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SSG Buddy Kemper
MY DREAM RETIREMEMNT JOB....will be at Lambert Acres Golf Club mowing on one of those HUGE zero turn thingy's (they'll have to train me, of course...still 11B at heart) I can mow a couple days a week...smell that fresh wonderful cut grass brother SSG Paul Lanciault mentioned....and play FREE GOLF the rest of the week!!! Heaven!!!!
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SSG Buddy Kemper
Yeah....would definitely like to chill with Ty Webb at his cabana, too, bro. I'd prefer the pool over the pond, tho.
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I am rated 100% for PTSD, and I agree with you all the way. After having spent a year on a phsy unit, I finally met a Dr. who helped me move beyond "me". There is.life out here and I want to enjoy it, sometimes it isn't easy, like you said, but what's behind me is in the history books and I want it to stay there. I want to live for the future, not the past as I did for so many wasted years.
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SGT James Hastings
I think that I know how you feel about the past SFC McMillion but in a sense, it is not a waste when you realize that you could have reacted differently. Lately, that concept is driving me. Two people experiencing the same event may analyze it differently and thus react in different ways. I'm trying to focus more on analyzing and checking my reaction before acting. At 82, for me, it is challenging to change a way of life but not impossible.
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PO2 Frances Smart
That's what I was getting at SGT Hastings. I check my reactions, which are completely natural to me, and force myself to do what is counter to my nature-- stop and think before acting. It's the only thing that keeps me going.
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SGT Steven Eugene Kuhn MBA
How are you doing SFC Collin McMillion it has been about a year. I checked back here because I remembered what you wrote, I completely lost it today, came out of nowhere...Good to come back and read the comments sometimes! Thanks again.
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When I was teaching at the Air Force Senior NCO Academy, one of my students discussed her battle with PTSD.
It all stemmed from a deployment.
To Patrick AFB.
As an admin specialist.
And saw no combat, violence, or anything else.
Her entire claim was because she was "homesteaded" at Lackland and was separated from her kids for over a month due to this military 'deployment'. She also said that seven weeks at the SNCOA would get her rating boosted because of the hardship involved.
It's because of folks like THIS that many people with PTSD have problems. And before anyone asks, yes, I DID report her to command cadre, they notified her home command, and her home unit did nothing about it.
It all stemmed from a deployment.
To Patrick AFB.
As an admin specialist.
And saw no combat, violence, or anything else.
Her entire claim was because she was "homesteaded" at Lackland and was separated from her kids for over a month due to this military 'deployment'. She also said that seven weeks at the SNCOA would get her rating boosted because of the hardship involved.
It's because of folks like THIS that many people with PTSD have problems. And before anyone asks, yes, I DID report her to command cadre, they notified her home command, and her home unit did nothing about it.
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SGT Steven Eugene Kuhn MBA
MCPO (Join to see) - indeed there are those who have a PTSD for something unfathomable, something we think is simply deceptive and self serving. UNFORTUNATELY PTSD is hard to prove and even harder to disprove.
Each person has a level of stress reached that was the highest they ever reached, regardless where, what or how, they reached the highest ever reached. This means a certain amount of stress is released into the body.
Since each person handles stress differently, PTSD comes in many forms and many levels.
That being said, I cannot stand those who purposely deceive the system; As an example; More Soldiers are receiving disability from ODS who did not deploy, than those who did deploy...sound like deception to you? Me too...but who knows, maybe they do have it!
Each person has a level of stress reached that was the highest they ever reached, regardless where, what or how, they reached the highest ever reached. This means a certain amount of stress is released into the body.
Since each person handles stress differently, PTSD comes in many forms and many levels.
That being said, I cannot stand those who purposely deceive the system; As an example; More Soldiers are receiving disability from ODS who did not deploy, than those who did deploy...sound like deception to you? Me too...but who knows, maybe they do have it!
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LTC Richard Wasserman
I saw more than a few folks at the WTU when I was there being treated for High Blood Pressure that were Mobed close to home in the States. There went home every weekend and were there longer than 1 year.
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I want to make a repose to this post. This will probably be my last post on RP, as I am tired of the way people just jump in and cause arguments or vote others down because of political, racist, religious, etc. views, not because they have a valid point to express in disagrement, anyway. PTSD is a condition to me, I don't want to be identified by it. My many years of struggle and trying to find ways to deal with it and avoid or recognize potential situations or triggers is a never ending process. To me it is a "brain disease" there to stay, so therefore a condition. I have experienced many so-called cures, but realisticly there are none. I go day to day and through other's support and knowledge keep it for the most part from hitting that never return stress level. Our hope lies in others as well as ourselves.
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SGT Steven Eugene Kuhn MBA
SFC Collin McMillion - Well put, to the point that it rings so very true and almost calming becasue it shows there is a way, one way or the other, there is a way. Such a comment can make a huge difference in someones life here, for that reason alone it is worth staying here.
I to get my fair share of attacks and haters who for some reason simply dump their frustration into a post or comment with no connection to anything.
I try and not react as I do not know their demeanor and since we are all vets or active duty, assume they are somehow having coping problems and try to not confront them, simply try to calm them by not getting excited.
We need good people here Collin, stay!
Steven
I to get my fair share of attacks and haters who for some reason simply dump their frustration into a post or comment with no connection to anything.
I try and not react as I do not know their demeanor and since we are all vets or active duty, assume they are somehow having coping problems and try to not confront them, simply try to calm them by not getting excited.
We need good people here Collin, stay!
Steven
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MSG William Wold
I see that they are going toward clinically calling this a syndrome, not a disorder. I have no idea the difference. I find it when some things change names, to better understand them or to put them aside I don't know. My ex wife had epilepsy, grand Mal seisures. Now they call them something like a colonic- tonic.. Or whatever.. I grew up learning to print, and write. Suddenly they changed it to cursive. Go figure..
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